best dating advice for smart women

The Tao of Dating for Women

4.7 / 5.0 stars on Amazon 4.7 / 5.0 on Amazon with 220 reviews

Introduction

The Highest-Rated Women’s Dating Book on Amazon for 157
Weeks, April 2010 to April 2013

Hi there and welcome! Dr Ali here, your friendly neighborhood author of books to empower awesome women like yourself. You may have found us through a Huffington Post article, an email that was forwarded to you, a website that reviewed the book, or just good ol’ divine intervention. However you found us, I’m glad you’re here.

So. I’m thinking this book contains some kind of cure for you if some or all of the following apply to you:

  • You are smart and educated.
  • You’re a career-minded woman.
  • You’re between 22 and 90 (not really for college-age women or younger, sorry).
  • You’re too busy to go out and meet men.
  • Sure, you meet plenty of men, but they’re just not the right caliber.
  • You’ve had decent boyfriends, but the relationships just didn’t last for some unfathomable reason.
  • You’ve kinda thrown your hands up in frustration and given up on the whole dating thing.
  • You just got outta college and are now thrust into this world of grown-up dating where people don’t live in the dorm next door and random hookups at parties are less frequent.
  • You recently experienced a breakup, divorce or death of a spouse after a long-term union, and you’re ready to wade back into the waters again.
  • You have a history of picking the wrong guy — bad boys who really weren’t good for you.
  • You just don’t get guys in general. What are they thinking? Are they thinking?
  • You have a friend who fits any of the categories above.
  • You may not think that you fit any of the categories above, but your friends are strangely insistent that you do.

In this page, I’m going to do my darndest to let you find your own reasons to get 11 copies of The Tao of Dating — one for you and ten for your best friends, of course. And if you’re not quite ready to give all your friends a copy yet — fine, just get two. Because now is an excellent time to be happy and fulfilled, don’t you think?

See, one of my mentors told me that if you have a solution to people’s problems, you have a moral obligation to let ‘em know. If you’ve got a cure, you can’t be hoarding it while people in need are walking around! That’s just mean. Since I don’t mean to be mean, I’m gonna ask all of you to get the book.

Five StarsLife changing viewpoint on dating philosophy for women. A MUST read, June 17, 2011, by Kimberly McGeorge at Amazon - I think the price of this book is worth one sentence. "Fullfillment is a feeling....not a person." The rest of the book explains what this means and why this is important. Dr. Ali appears to have deep compassion for both men and women stuck in the same dating behaviors that have resulted in the same miserable situations they have found themselves in the past. If you take the advice and insight in this book to heart -- Your behavior will change, what and who you attract will change and then you can pass this book on to one of the other millions of other women who need a wake up call.

Now I don’t know if there was ever a book that ever made you feel an incredible must have it now compulsion. You know that feeling? Maybe it was for the last Harry Potter installment. Or Eat Pray Love. Or the last Twilight book (gasp). Whatever the book was, that’s the feeling I want you to have for The Tao of Dating! Because while those other books were pleasant stories you’ve mostly forgotten by now, this one can increase your enjoyment of life for the rest of your earthly existence! Slightly more important.

Ahem. I believe I’ve made myself clear.

So I’m going to do this in three ways, in no particular order:

3) Show you the table of contents and give you oodles of samples so you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the book’s right for you. Hey, you don’t buy clothes without trying ‘em on — why should a book be different?

4) Address and relieve all the pre-purchase concerns for this book so you can buy with complete peace of mind for ever and all time, hallelujah and amen

1) Show you some of the Amazon reviews of the book written by people just like yourself. (Absurdly complimentary — kinda crazy, actually)

2) Make an offer that’s so absurdly juicy and delicious, you’ll feel that getting the book is a complete no-brainer.

“I want to get the book but for this one itty-bitty thing…”

Recently I did a supremely scientific survey of my readers who were still on the fence, asking them if it was starting to hurt sitting like that. ‘Cause, you know, fences are pointy and stuff. You should probably step down and get an easy chair or chaise longue or something (and it is longue, not lounge, so don’t get me started on that — but I digress). In the meantime, here’s what you said:

Itty-bitty thing #1: Cost.

Well, no, the book is not free — something has to keep the Moet and caviar flowing and the miniature elephants fed around here. The book is potentially worth thousands for saving you from very real cost, pain and heartache — and the unquantifiable joy it can bring to your life. Compared to those, The Tao of Dating is very nearly free: $29.95 print copy$19.97 ebook with embedded audio and bonuses$20 audiobook.

Let me ask you — how much does one tepid date that goes nowhere cost you? Paying for your own dinner and drinks would run you $30-$40. What if the book saved you from just one nasty, abusive relationship, or spared you one rancorous divorce? How much is that worth? What if it enabled you to find the love of your life with whom you build a life and a family together? Is that worth more than 20 bucks?

Do you deserve to be happy? Well, $1200 Louis Vuitton bags and $600 Manolo Blahniks can’t make you happy (but they can make your feet hurt.) This book can make you happy — and I promise your feet will be fine.

Ladies — I’m giving away gold ingots for peanuts here, $100 bills for pennies. MOREOVER: you get a 30-day money-back guarantee from me. If you like the book, you’ve just gotten yourself the bargain of the century. And if you don’t, you pay nada. Win-win-win.

Five Starsfor all women, however smart…., May 02, 2010, by Ruth at Amazon - Dr Ali's style is no nonsense, but gentle - like a kind brother or friend. The book uses both a scientific and spiritual approach. There are lots of good practical suggestions - for example on where to meet potential dates, and how to spot men who ultimately won't be able to measure up but also there is the spiritual Tao side which helps one to let go a little and trust in the abundance of the universe. I thought the book had two main themes - one is to be the best version of yourself you can be for your own sake and working towards that. The other is the insight into the way men think and what is important to them and appreciate it is different from women, but no less valid. Knowing what matters to them helps you interact differently and more successfully - and to be prepared if things don't go quite as you hoped. Like one of the other reviewers I don't fit into the professional, IQ off the chart model - but the advice and ideas put forward by Dr Ali will apply to all sorts of women. The book has helped me to understand how important it is to be myself and that being authentic is so much more attractive. There's lots of great information in the book, and I have read it through more than once - in fact writing this has reminded me of so many good bits that I'm going to read it all again.

Itty-bitty thing #2: Not sure if it’s any better than the other dating books you’ve read or if it’s relevant to you.

I believe this is the best dating guide for women in the solar system right now. Why? Because I read all the other good books on love, romance and dating and put their best stuff in The Tao of Dating. Not very different from what a great chef like Thomas Keller or Alice Waters would do: assemble the best ingredients, and put them together in a delectable package.

But you don’t have to take it from me; the reviews are below: average 4.8/5.0 stars. Even better, look at the table of contents, read the excerpts, listen to the downloads and decide for yourself. In the meantime, I’ll tell you the main way it’s different from the other dating books. Those books are primarily about what you can do to get him. This book is primarily about you and how you can be happy.

Five StarsAmazing LIFE book, not just dating, June 03, 2011, by LiveToRead at Amazon - GET THIS BOOK! I have never purchased nor felt the need to purchase a dating book before. I was drawn to this particular work because Dr. Ali combines spiritual tenets with proven scientific facts to give great advice for dating and for life, and I am so glad I got it. All of his tips are really about how to cultivate a positive and confident outlook on life, which creates a positive and fulfilling dating experience. My favorite nugget of wisdom - and there are many- is to want and seek the food, not the menu. This means not looking for someone who looks good on a resume, but someone who provides real fulfillment in the form of great conversation, caring gestures and support. There are many great exercises in this book and most of them are based on the principles of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). Anyone familiar with NLP knows that it is a fantastic way to improve your life by improving your thoughts and beliefs. I found them all to be immensely helpful. Dr. Ali's writing style is easy to follow and full of humor, making this book an enjoyable read and a great self-help tool! I doubt it's a coincidence that within a week of starting to read this book I had three dates set up with three different guys :)

Itty-bitty thing #3: Time.

Oh, you have a bunch of other books to read. And a dog to walk. And that whole career thing. When do you have time to read? Or find a boyfriend? Or have fun? Or do anything for yourself? Folly.

Have a heart, sister. Your intimate relationships are the prime determinants of your happiness and health. The reason why you don’t have time to read a potentially life-altering book is probably the same as why you don’t have a boyfriend: misplaced priorities. Unless you’re a surgical resident, an I-banking drone or a mom with two toddlers, you’ve got time. So don’t give me that.

Moreover, if you don’t have time to read, there’s the audiobook version for 20 bucks, which allows you to listen to my mellifluous voice as you drive or sit on the train. With the average American daily commute at 40min, you can get through it in less than two weeks, no foolin’.

Five StarsMust Have Field Guide for Life!, May 30, 2011, by TF at Amazon - My copy of "The Tao of Dating" is dog eared, highlighted, written in, and well worn. I refer back to the chapters frequently when I need a gentle and humorous reminder of how to stay on track to be my best self. It is my most trusted field guide for my everyday life. I have been moved by the information, and found that when it is put into frequent practice, the results are instant and profound. When quoting or sharing the information I have learned from the book to a friend, they often tell me how brilliant (yet common sense) it is. "The Tao of Dating" is the best gift you can give yourself or to your best girl friend. Do not wait another second to buy this book!! Thanks Dr. Ali!

Itty-bitty thing #4: Procrastination.

“I really want to, but I just haven’t gotten around to it.” Listen: if you postpone taking care of your love life for long enough, you will get old and wrinkly to the point that all guys will lose interest. Don’t postpone for another millisecond; take action. May I suggest right now. The book can be on your computer or Kindle in less than 4min.

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Table of Contents

Just so you know exactly what’s in the book:

  • The Introduction you can’t skip
  • The five themes of The Tao of Dating. 24
  • How to use this book. 25

Part I: The Way: Foundations of the Tao

Chapter 1: Dating for Fulfillment

  • Which would you prefer: the menu or the food?. 29
  • Square one: accept and love yourself now.. 30
  • Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. 32
  • The power of gratitude. 33
  • Exercise 1. The Power of Focus. 34
  • The Be-Do-Have Paradigm.. 36
  • Exercise 2. Your highest vision of yourself 39
  • Affective forecasting, or what really happens when you get what you want 41

Chapter 2: Who You Really Are

  • The concept of no-self 46
  • Exercise 3. The Galactic Consciousness Meditation. 48
  • Who you really are. 52
  • Embracing The Goddess. 54
  • Exercise 4. Embodying the Goddess. 56
  • Your shortcut to divinity. 57

Chapter 3: Yin and Yang

  • Balancing yin and yang in partnerships. 61
  • The dilemma of the career-oriented woman. 63
  • Yin and yang in a relationship. 65

Chapter 4: What You Really Want

  • Exercise 5. Empower yourself by figuring out your core values 68
  • What you have to offer 69
  • Exercise 6. Walking the walk. 70
  • Exercise 7. Take stock of your relationship assets. 71
  • Yin, yang and three stages of relationship. 71
  • The kind of guy you would want to date.

Chapter 5: Understanding Men, Understanding Yourself

  • Why men are so damn horny
  • Making your peace with monogamy (or absence thereof)
  • Know what you’re getting yourself into
  • Kill the prince
  • The perfect guy vs. the perfect guy for you
  • A big secret about how men relate to female beauty
  • He doesn’t care that much about your shoes or dress
  • Your secret gift as a woman
  • Types of men
  • Why good women get involved (and stay) in bad relationships
  • The slot machine model of human behavior
  • The self-concept and how it affects your relationships
  • How to improve your self-esteem
  • How to spot bad boys
  • How to spot Good Guys
  • The Good Guy’s secret turn-on
  • The dilemma of dating the Great Man

PART II: BE

Chapter 6: Beliefs

  • How to keep a healthy mental diet
  • Cultivate a peaceful mindset
  • Exercise 8. Experience how beliefs set the limits of your behavior
  • Global beliefs
  • Personal Beliefs
  • Exercise 9. The Ultimate Freedom Exercise
  • The process of belief

Chapter 7: Attitudes

  • The six rules of attitude
  • Your attitude towards your body
  • Exercise 10.  Accepting and appreciating your body
  • Love your body now

PART III: DO

Chapter 8: Find

  • Exercise 11.  The Quarters Exercise.
  • Exercise 12.  The Ideal Man.
  • The three Cs of optimal venues
  • Some not-so-great places to meet men
  • Long-distance relationships: a brief, biased rant
  • Internet dating: perils and opportunities

Chapter 9: Meet

  • To initiate or not to initiate
  • Use the tiered approach
  • How to help men approach you
  • How to initiate conversations
  • The importance of intention
  • Exercise 13. Powerful Positive Intent (PPI)
  • Exercise 14. Craft your own PPI to act with greater authority and integrity
  • Exercise 15. The Cookies Experiment
  • The three-man plan
  • Handling rejection
  • Becoming Rejection-Proof  I: Re-write your rule
  • Exercise 16.  Write your personal rule to make rejection an impossibility
  • Becoming Rejection-Proof II: Re-framing

Chapter 10: Attract

  • You have an unfair advantage – use it!
  • The three components of attraction
  • Attract with your physical presence
  • Exercise 17.  Cultivate your sensuality.
  • Have fun while you transform
  • Attract him with your mind
  • The wisdom of paradox
  • The Art of Listening and the Magic Question
  • Exercise 18.  Listen.
  • Attract with the heart, or how to be irresistible
  • Exercise 19.  Practicing devotion.
  • Attract in the right order
  • The physiology of attraction
  • Success and your integrity
  • The principle of wu-wei

Chapter 11: Romance, or what to do on a date

  • Stoking the fires
  • Rapport
  • How to create passion
  • How to make a man fall in love with you
  • How to bring out the best in a man
  • The foolproof internal guide for your actions
  • What drives men away
  • The importance of closure
  • Some completely obvious guidelines for  date etiquette
  • Getting physical and the art of tantalizing
  • So you want a second date
  • Physical intimacy: timing it right
  • Balancing desire and empowerment
  • The importance of sexual compatibility
  • Men’s secret fears about sex
  • The importance of sexual know-how

PART IV: HAVE

Chapter 12: Have: Making Relationships Last

  • How to keep a man worth keeping
  • Connect at three chakras for a lasting relationship
  • Depth in a relationship vs. direction
  • Leave the cage door open
  • How not to be taken for granted
  • The four horsemen: recognizing communication problems before they arise
  • Some principles for a successful relationship
  • Take your own counsel, again

Chapter 13: A New Beginning

  • A gentle reminder

Reviews

I’m a dating/relationship expert and I approve of this book :-)

5Five Stars at Amazon on May 25, 2013

I’ve read hundreds of books on dating and relationships. I had a radio show for five years where I interviewed authors about dating & relationships every week. I know a lot about dating and it’s not like I hadn’t heard about anything that was in the book but the way certain things were said really resonated with me. I feel like I’ve found the missing link and the secret as to why when a woman is interested in a man he’s not interested in her and vice versa. I thought I knew the answer but I only had part of the answer. I can’t recommend this book enough. Of all the books I’ve read, this is definitely in the top five

Everything you could ever want or be, you already have and are

5Five Stars at Amazon on May 11, 2012

I loved the Tao of Dating: the Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistable. I’ve read a lot of relationship books but this one seemed to resonate with me the most. It’s kind of hard to describe what it is about this book that makes you feel so special, so sensual, so…womanly. It’s about harnessing the inner goddess, the one who is downplayed because in our society we have to be strong and stand on our own, and we don’t need a man! But…we still want one. It’s hard to find the balance between the yin(feminine) and the yang(masculine) when our yin is muted so much. It’s time to remember what it means to be a woman and stop worrying how to get a man. They will come. Men want women. Period. Stop caring so much. The idea of being detached and expecting no outcome was incredibly uplifting to me. Imagine the freedom of not having to worry what a man thinks of you…who cares! This book shows you a new perspective on how to look at these situations. For instance, say someone doesn’t like champagne, that doesn’t mean that champagne is bad, maybe it’s just not for them. This approach will make it easier, not to mention you will learn how to stop feeling rejected. You can let go of the striving to be more, you already are everything you want! A metaphor from the book that I truly enjoyed-(paraphrased)…A sapling of great redwood is still a redwood, even when it is just a sapling. At every point of its journey, it is a great redwood, it just keeps growing.

One aspect of this book that I really loved was the thought that I shouldn’t ask for something because it affirms that it is missing in my life. Replace desire with gratitude. Instead of focusing on the fact that I don’t have a good man, car, etc…I am thankful for what I have and I seek to serve others. The world, in turn will seek to serve me. I am a server and I have been practicing this when I get bad tips. I am grateful that I have more money than I did when I came in, and I am continuously repeating to myself that I am grateful for the abundance in my life. It makes the bad tippers not matter as much and the good tips reaffirm the abundance. I have been making a lot more money recently! I also have been practicing the embodiment of characteristics of femininity. I mostly focus on feeling radiant and everyone I work with has been saying that I have a glow about me that wasn’t there before! It’s amazing.
I really liked the idea that pain is wishing the world is different than it is. Now I understand the Buddhist thought that desire leads to suffering. Focusing on the positive brings more of it your way, if you focus on negativity, you will get negativity. “When you have gratitude for something, you are accepting its presence into your life and affirming it to the world. In return, the world will do the same and manifest the object in your life.”

So now, I am thankful for all of the witty, creative, handsome amazing men in my life!

You will also learn 5 behaviors that send men running, as well as ways to keep them around. One of my favorite thoughts from the book- “Women control the depth of the relationship, men control the direction.” Stop directing ladies! Let men be men! You be a lady! Enjoy your wonderful sensual self and others will follow.

Best dating book ever

5Five Stars at Amazon on October 30, 2011

I have read many books about relationships and dating, but the Tao of Dating is one of a kind, so different and mind-blowing in its common sense and simplicity that is impossible to put it down once you start reading. To be honest, I can’t understand why there aren’t 200 reviews instead of the poor thirty something that can be found here.

It is by chance that I came through the Tao of Dating and I purchased it. One of those days that you feel like pressing too often the “buy with one-click” button for kindle, or any online shopping button, just because it is, well, one click. I am not a religious person at all or into new age mumbo-jumbo, so this would have never been, in theory, my first option nor the book I was looking for. Moreover, being as rational as I am, I thought, jeez just 35 reviews is not much for a dating book!

But, alas, here I am, so very much impressed and affected by this book. In fact, the book has already produced a mental shift in me, an internal one. This is so because it makes sense, and most importantly, empowers me as a woman.

I love the fact that the book is written by a man who loves and respects women, clever women specially, and understands we are wired differently from other women. Besides, most of the NLP exercises he proposes are excellent, very fulfilling and enjoyable per se, so even if they don’t help us to find a man, they will still be cool to do. The sort of exercise that I/you could do to get rid of stress, for example.

The main difference between this book and most of the dating literature out there is that The Tao of Dating goes inside our head and your heart and helps you to unlock those doors that, without we knowing, we alone have locked. If they were unlocked, more good men would be approaching us and, we would see more of them immediately approaching.

Most clever career/intellectual women, the ones still single, are emotionally autistic. I have always recognised that and asked myself, where are the clues? How do I send clues? How do I read clues from/to men? Why despite my talent, mystique and femininity I am single? Why aren’t a bunch of hot men at my feet? This book helps you to understand yourself/myself better and to change within, to bring the best of us, still being us, Mary, Josephine, Alissa or whomever you are.

This is the book that any good woman, with brains (or without) should read because, no matter what, it will produce a better version of yourself. To me, just that, is priceless.

Life changing viewpoint on dating philosophy for women. A MUST read

5Five Stars at Amazon on June 17, 2011

I think the price of this book is worth one sentence. “Fullfillment is a feeling….not a person.” The rest of the book explains what this means and why this is important. Dr. Ali appears to have deep compassion for both men and women stuck in the same dating behaviors that have resulted in the same miserable situations they have found themselves in the past. If you take the advice and insight in this book to heart — Your behavior will change, what and who you attract will change and then you can pass this book on to one of the other millions of other women who need a wake up call.

Amazing LIFE book, not just dating

5Five Stars at Amazon on June 03, 2011

GET THIS BOOK! I have never purchased nor felt the need to purchase a dating book before. I was drawn to this particular work because Dr. Ali combines spiritual tenets with proven scientific facts to give great advice for dating and for life, and I am so glad I got it. All of his tips are really about how to cultivate a positive and confident outlook on life, which creates a positive and fulfilling dating experience. My favorite nugget of wisdom – and there are many- is to want and seek the food, not the menu. This means not looking for someone who looks good on a resume, but someone who provides real fulfillment in the form of great conversation, caring gestures and support.

There are many great exercises in this book and most of them are based on the principles of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). Anyone familiar with NLP knows that it is a fantastic way to improve your life by improving your thoughts and beliefs. I found them all to be immensely helpful.

Dr. Ali’s writing style is easy to follow and full of humor, making this book an enjoyable read and a great self-help tool! I doubt it’s a coincidence that within a week of starting to read this book I had three dates set up with three different guys :)

Must Have Field Guide for Life!

5Five Stars at Amazon on May 30, 2011

My copy of “The Tao of Dating” is dog eared, highlighted, written in, and well worn. I refer back to the chapters frequently when I need a gentle and humorous reminder of how to stay on track to be my best self. It is my most trusted field guide for my everyday life. I have been moved by the information, and found that when it is put into frequent practice, the results are instant and profound. When quoting or sharing the information I have learned from the book to a friend, they often tell me how brilliant (yet common sense) it is. “The Tao of Dating” is the best gift you can give yourself or to your best girl friend. Do not wait another second to buy this book!! Thanks Dr. Ali!

for all women, however smart….

5Five Stars at Amazon on May 02, 2010

Dr Ali’s style is no nonsense, but gentle – like a kind brother or friend. The book uses both a scientific and spiritual approach. There are lots of good practical suggestions – for example on where to meet potential dates, and how to spot men who ultimately won’t be able to measure up but also there is the spiritual Tao side which helps one to let go a little and trust in the abundance of the universe.
I thought the book had two main themes – one is to be the best version of yourself you can be for your own sake and working towards that. The other is the insight into the way men think and what is important to them and appreciate it is different from women, but no less valid. Knowing what matters to them helps you interact differently and more successfully – and to be prepared if things don’t go quite as you hoped.

Like one of the other reviewers I don’t fit into the professional, IQ off the chart model – but the advice and ideas put forward by Dr Ali will apply to all sorts of women. The book has helped me to understand how important it is to be myself and that being authentic is so much more attractive.

There’s lots of great information in the book, and I have read it through more than once – in fact writing this has reminded me of so many good bits that I’m going to read it all again.