I want to make you an irresistible offer so you can help Haiti in its time of need, and help yourself in your personal development and love life.  You also become a Tao of Dating customer, with all its exalted honors and benefits.

Basically, I’m going to donate all the proceeds from the sale of ‘The Tao of Dating for Men’ ebook for the next three days.

Here’s how it works:

1. Go to the Partners in Health website.  They’re one of the most effective and efficient nonprofits working on the ground.

https://donate.pih.org/page/contribute/haiti_earthquake?source=earthquake&subsource=homepage

2. Make a donation of $25 or more.

3. In the spot on the right-hand side that says ‘Honor someone with your contribution’, put in ‘Alex Benzer’ and my email, dralex@taoofdating.com.
THIS PART IS REALLY IMPORTANT.  You need to get my email address right, so make sure you copy and paste it correctly in the box.

4. When I get the notification email, I’ll send you a link to purchase ‘The Tao of Dating for Men’ ebook for $1 (regular price $59.95).

Pretty simple.

I’ll be doing another ‘Project Superman’ session tomorrow, which is free to my customers (and only my customers), so the timing couldn’t be more auspicious.

I’ll keep you all updated on the blog for how the challenge goes.

Do your part
AB

PS: Research has shown definitively that we feel even better after spending money on other people than when we buy ourselves stuff.  Well, here you’re spending it on you AND on others at the same time.  You can only win.  Do it!

Lately, I’ve been teaching a monthlong mentoring program for the men entitled The Metamorphosis Program.

We keep a certain amount of material in the course secret for two reasons: it works better when it comes at you as a surprise; and mystery makes the course look cool.

Kidding aside, I do want to share with you one thing that I teach in the course.  Namely, the answer to the question, “Who are you really?”

One of the three answers I suggest is “You are a conduit for the abundance of the universe.”

If you’re sufficiently confused by that answer to be thinking, “Umm, English please, doc,” then you’re on the right track.

Allow me to illustrate by continuing the story.  If you’ve ever been to Trader Joe’s here in the US, one of their nifty features is that they always have a ‘freebie corner’ where they’re giving away free samples.

Most of the time it’s something that I don’t eat, but on this particular afternoon, they had samples of a chicken tikka masala.  And it smelled gooood.

So I stood in line, and right behind me was a mother with her toddler sitting right in the shopping cart.  The kid was getting a little antsy about the food, and mom was doing her best to calm him down.

My turn came, and the Trader Joe’s lady handed me my small plate with the free sample.  And, seeing how I was not in a hurry, I handed it to the mom: “Here you go.”

The mom totally lit up with a heartfelt ‘thank you’ that I felt in my bones, all out of proportion to the gesture . A few seconds later I had my plate (delicious, by the way) and we were both on our merry shopping way again.

Now it’s not like I donated a zillion bucks to cure malaria here and Pope Benedict is going to fast-track my application to sainthood (which would actually require that I die first, so really – no thanks).  I just passed on a free sample to someone who was behind me in line, who would have gotten it anyway in about 30 seconds.

But the reaction I got was all out of proportion to the deed – and it made *my* day.  And perhaps made her feel good, too.

Now this story is a perfect demonstration of your being a conduit for the abundance of the universe.  Let me explain.

The chicken sample was not really mine.  It was a free sample to begin with.  So I never really owned it.

By giving it away, I wasn’t losing anything, because I knew there was more of that where it came from.

And, lo and behold, when I gave it away, more did come my way, with interest: the mom & kid’s gratitude, and the little warming of my heart.

Well, guess what, boys and girls: that’s true of any kind of possession and giving in life.

You think you own stuff?  Think again.  You’re born naked and you leave the same way.  Can’t take it with you, chief. And if the economic crisis of the past year has taught us anything, it’s “easy come, easy go.”

You can’t own stuff.  But stuff can definitely own you.

Even if you had paid for the chicken, what makes it ‘yours’?

So the next time you’re thinking ‘my car’, ‘my house’, ‘my boyfriend’, ‘my girlfriend’, as if somehow there’s a stamp of ownership burning your name on that thing, you may wish to reconsider.

Because when abundance comes your way, you know that it’s just like that free sample – the bounty of the universe presenting itself to you through sheer luck.

Just as it would be silly to get too possessive of that morsel of free food once it lands in your hand – “this is my chicken now” – it would be equally silly to get hung up on any of your so-called possessions.

There is no fortune made on this earth, not one, that didn’t have to do with crazy, insane luck.  So there’s no point in getting too attached or proud about what came to you through near-miraculous accident.

By realizing that you are a perpetual conduit for this abundance — a pipeline for the bounty of the universe — you keep yourself from gumming up the works and getting in the way of your own access to abundance.

Because the abundance is infinite!  There’s far more stuff than you could consume in 10,000 lifetimes.

We’re not saying that you should make like Diogenes and give away all your earthly possessions and wear a barrel.  And by all means, protect your garden fruit from the varmints.

Just don’t get *hung up* on stuff so much that its loss can make you unhappier than its presence can make you happy.

I always find it funny when people on the road (including myself) won’t let somebody in who’s trying to merge.

What, like we’re going to run out of road or something?  Or you might get somewhere 4.3 seconds sooner?

There’s plenty of road to go around.

Now some of you who are reading this may be in tough spots right now.

And what I would say to you is act as if you really are a conduit for abundance.  Don’t let this temporary state get in the way of your generosity, your open-heartedness, your openmindedness.

Get the wheel of giving turning, in whatever small way you can, and the wheel will inevitably come back to you.  As my pastor likes to say, you can only have what you give away.

So start giving away more of that which you’d like to have! (‘Cause if you’re giving something away, it must mean you have lots of it, right?  Twisted logic, but kinda true.)

And those of you who are not experiencing privation but are still feeling constricted – let’s get you re-started here.

Start by smiling at passersby.  Then work up from there.

One of the most eloquent passages on giving comes from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet:

“Then said a rich man, ‘Speak to us of Giving.’
And he answered:
‘You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?
And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?
Is not dread of thirst when your well is full the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have – and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy,
And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;
They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes he smiles upon the earth.’”

And that’s everyday grace, my friends.  Resolve to give of yourself daily and practice being what you really are – a conduit for abundance.  The rest will take care of itself.

The power is within you
Dr Alex

PS: Want to practice some giving right now that ain’t gonna cost you anything?  Forward this message to someone whom you think would benefit from it.

Hey, I hear ya. So here’s a little explanation of that concept as I understand it. Make sure to rate the video and comment so I know you’re listening, and if you like it, share it with friends via Facebook and spread the good word:

Especially if you think you’re in a slump, down in the dumps, at the end of your rope, or embroiled in some other metaphor you don’t like, I encourage you to take a lesson from Warsaw. Renewal happens in an instant, and as the saying goes, today is the first day of the rest of your life.

As usual, if you like the video, please show me you’re alive! Rate it, comment on it, share it with friends via Facebook and Twitter, and embed it on your own website. You never know whom you’re going to touch with exactly the message that they need to hear at that moment. Here’s the link to send it along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnZyLjthOqM

Here’s another video to stimulate some thinking and reconsideration.

I’d always wondered what it meant to ‘love your enemy’ and it never made a lot of sense.  Frankly, most of the time I would have preferred that the troublemakers in my life do the polite thing and drop dead.

However, recently, it made much more sense to me, and after watching this video, it will make sense to you, too.

As usual, if you like it, please show signs of life by rating it, commenting on it, and sharing it with friends.  And you have my full blessing to embed it on your own site if you have one.

Thanks for your super-enthusiastic response to the ‘Project Love’ video.  Seems like it struck a resonant chord with a lot of you.

The key thing to remember is to just get back to basics sometimes.

So often we get caught up in the adult world of upholding our own supposed importance that we forget the simple ways to make a human connection — y’know, the stuff we used to do in the sandbox as kids (and I’m not talking about scurrying off with Mary Jane’s toys, you little rascal you).

The content of this here video is so simple as to almost be elementary — but mega-important! And I bet my entire chocolate stash (and it is vast) that you’re not doing it nearly enough.

Once again, you get to see me in a way-exotic locale.  And just like the last video, just doing the practice will make you feel good.

As before, feel free to share it with friends the way you know how (Facebook, Twitter etc).  I bet each of you knows at least one sourpuss who could benefit from this.  Also you have my full blessing to embed this on your own site/blog so long as it benefits more folks.

The power is within you,

Dr Alex

However, it has everything to do with being a compassionate, aware human being. Which is the real purpose of these articles, as some of you may have gathered by now.

Right now, on the opposite side of the planet from where I am, millions of Iranians young and old are flooding the streets in protest. Why? Because they stood in line for hours to vote for what they believed in, and someone decided that their votes didn’t matter.

The regime shamelessly shut down text messaging, websites and all reporting, just so it could have its way.

Iran is the world’s youngest country. Over 60% of its population is under 30. And frankly, they’re tired of old fogies in funny turbans telling them how to live their lives.

Our country here, the US, ain’t perfect – the occasional voting irregularity has happened and will happen again. But our model of peaceful transition of power and freedom of expression is still pretty darn good.

So today, on my gratitude log, one of the five items I put down for which I was grateful was “open means of communication.” It’s quite a privilege, if you think about it.

Amongst hundreds of privileges we don’t think about every day that the average Iranian kid doesn’t have. Like throwing a party with your friends without getting harassed. Walking down the street in the dead of summer in short sleeves. Or shorts. Having a beer. Having your hair uncovered if you’re a girl. Surfing the web – all of it. Writing a blog without getting tossed in jail. Dozens of other little things.

So on this day, June 16, which also happens to be my birthday, give yourselves a little gift. Say a prayer for the youth of Iran in their moment of crisis – for all the unarmed kids who got beat up and shot at just for wanting to be heard. Pray for their protection, safety and resolve.

And if you want to make gratitude a daily practice, join the Gratitude Experiment at www.taoofdating.com/gratitude. It’s a 30-day, totally free program which basically sends you automated email reminders every day to jot down a few things you’re grateful for.

The idea is that, after doing it for 30 days, it just might become a habit that sticks. Hundreds of you have already joined the experiment. It takes 2-3min a day, and it makes a BIG difference. Trust me on that one.

Anyway, that’s all for now. You’ll forgive me if I’m not in the mood right to write lighthearted fluffy stuff on why he didn’t call you back or how to get her to come on a second date, but I promise it’ll be back soon :)

In the meantime, check out this lucid 2min video on what’s going on over there in Iran.  It’s good.

One of the great reasons to attend seminars is that you just don’t know whom you’ll encounter there.

Last month I had the good fortune to attend Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Book Marketing Seminar.  As I was getting my network on in the lobby, someone asked me, “Aren’t you going to go see Andy Andrews speak?”

‘Um, who?,’  I thought to my jaded self, and clearly my interlocutor read my mind from the look on my face.  “Oh, he’s terrific – you should definitely go check him out.”

Well, awright, fine.  If Mark and this here guy think Andy’s cool enough to be on the podium, I’ll go see what he has to say – for a few minutes.  Then I’ll slink right back to the lobby and continue schmoozing.

Needless to say, I did not return to the lobby before I had heard every last word Andy Andrews had to say.  Not only were his words uplifting and inspirational, but Andy is one riotously funny dude (he’s also a stand-up comic).  AND I bought two of this books, breaking my ‘thou shalt not acquire random trinkets at seminars, especially if they come in book form’ rule.  They were the only two items I bought at the seminar (which, mind you, is a tough thing to do, since *everyone* is selling you stuff).

This book review is on The Traveler’s Gift: Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success, which constituted the core of his seminar talk.  The premise of the book goes something like this: David Ponder, a 46-year old formerly successful executive, is out of work and in dire financial straits – so bad that he can’t even afford to pay for the medical care his daughter so urgently needs.

In a moment of dispair, he has a car accident.  But right before impact, he’s transported to a dreamlike state in which he visits seven great individuals in moments of crisis – two US Presidents, an ancient king, a Civil War general, a European explorer, a family in hiding from the Nazis, and an archangel (what’s a good story without an archangel?).  Through these vignettes (which, incidentally, taught me some interesting factoids about U.S. history), Andy lays out the Seven Decisions.  They are:

1. The buck stops here. Adversity is preparation for greatness.

2. I will seek wisdom. I will choose my friends with care.

3. I am a person of action. I can make a decision and I can make it now.

4. I have a decided heart. My destiny is assured.

5. Today I will choose to be happy. I am the possessor of a grateful heart.

6. I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit. I will forgive myself.

7. I will persist without exception. I will find a way where there is no way.

I don’t want to give too much away, since part of the driving force of the book is the surprise of each subsequent historical encounter, and what the mentor has in store for the protagonist.  Each story is well-illustrated with historical detail and quite poignant.  Whoever you are, you’re bound to see some aspect of your life reflected in the mentors’ crises and decisions.

Because of the novel’s engaging nature, you don’t feel as if you’re reading a self-help book (read: dryyyyy).  I believe stories are far more effective learning tools than straight didactic media, and they stay with you far longer.  Andy also has a more didactic book called Mastering the Seven Decisions (which I’ve only skimmed), in case you learn better that way.

With the consequences of the economic downturn on the minds of so many people, this novel is particularly timely.  First of all, the crises the characters are involved in are on such a scale to make most of our challenges seem minuscule in comparison.  This alone empowers the reader.  Second, the Seven Decisions are just solid through and through.  Just one of them – “I will persist without exception” – is enough to transform your life.

The book’s a quick and pleasant read – shouldn’t take more than a Sunday afternoon to polish it off.  The feeling after reading this book is one of liberation, peace and empowerment -  that “you know, I can do this beyond a shadow of a doubt” feeling.

I recommend it to anyone who could use a little boost of the spirit and a little oomph to get you moving.  It’s also beautifully designed and makes for a nice gift.

Before seeing Andy Andrews in person, I knew nothing about him.  Having witnessed his lighthearted and soulful approach, I’m now a fan of his work.  After reading ‘The Traveler’s Gift’, I expect that you will be, too.  His book is available on Amazon and at bookstores.