Attention Smart, Attractive, Successful Single Women: Here's The Guide Written Specifically for You to Find Love, Reclaim Your Inner Power, Understand Men & Be Deliriously Happy in Your Love Life (and Way Beyond)
Let The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible help you find the deep, loving relationship you've always wished for
Hi there! Thanks for visiting. I'm Ali Binazir, MD, MPhil (aka Dr Alex). You may have heard about me through HuffingtonPost.com, Forbes.com, Intent.com or an interview somewhere. Great to have you here!
Before I start my little novella here, I understand some of you are just here to buy the book. So, without further delay, here's your button to buy.
Glad we got that out of the way.
Now I'm guessing that you're pretty educated -- perhaps attended (or should have) the likes of Stanford, Yale, Princeton, Harvard, MIT, Columbia, Dartmouth, Penn, Amherst, Swarthmore, Berkeley, Oxford, Cambridge or other top-notch schools.
You may have even gotten a graduate or professional degree. You've landed jobs that few people could get. You work hard, you excel at what you do, and you're well-compensated (or expect to be soon).
If that's the case, then I probably know someone like you. I've gone to some fancy schools in my day (Harvard and Cambridge were two, in case you're curious) and worked at some pretty selective companies. And all of them were filled with smart, successful women.
So they have been in my classes, at my work, and at alumni functions for the past 20 years or so. They've been telling me about their dating challenges. By now, I have gotten a decent sense of what those challenges are and how they are specific to them as smart, successful women.
They've also been on dates with the likes of me, my friends, and some of the 10,000 guys who have been writing me letters for the past three years. And I've heard some of their stories, too.
Speaking of stories, let's start with one, shall we?
Story #1: Mostly-single Monica
Picture this: It was one of those early fall Boston days a few years ago when you thought anything was possible. The sky was unusually clear, the air was crisp, and Newbury Street was brimming with interesting, attractive people. I was excited to meet up with my college classmate Monica, whom I had not seen since we had both graduated from Harvard.
You probably know Monica, or someone like her. She's smart, good-looking, well-read, stylish, great career (broadcast journalism), going places -- the total package. She had her act together -- so much so that guys in college had been almost too intimidated to ask her out.
We met up at the sidewalk cafe Sonsie to catch up. And as we discussed work, family, friends, and love life, it came up that Monica was single. And had been so for a long time.
This woman was unstoppable. Anything she wanted, she got. And yet, in this department, she didn't seem to be reaching her goal of having a loving, fulfilling relationship. Or at least a fun dating life. And if an amazing woman like her was alone, something had to be terribly wrong with the world.
That meeting made an impression on me. And over the course of my time in Boston, I heard many, many stories like Monica's. Women who were doctors, graduate students, lawyers, investment bankers, entrepreneurs, journalists -- all of them tremendously talented and successful in almost every sphere of life but one: dating.
The dating textbook you wish you had gotten in college
It seemed like the smarter and more accomplished a woman was, the more challenges she encountered in her dating life. Perhaps some of these scenarios sound familiar to you:
You aren't meeting a lot of guys, either because you aren't going out, don't have time to go out or aren't sure where to go. I mean, you're busy! Gotta finish this this project, take care of this client or patient, study for an exam...
You have gotten tired of the bar and nightclub scene and just couldn't be bothered. They're all duds there anyway (which is mostly true, by the way).
You're a pretty smart cookie, and you just can't imagine spending time with a guy who's not as smart as you are because you get bored to death.
When you do meet a guy who's as smart and educated as you are, you find yourself competing with him and even driving him away.
Sure, you're meeting guys, but the wrong kind of guys. "All the good ones are taken." They're nice and all, but there's always something missing.
Even though you are in places where there are decent guys, the men aren't approaching you, and nothing ever comes of it.
You get plenty of attention at parties, but usually from the guys you aren't interested in, while the guy you like is completely oblivious to her existence. How unfair is that.
You have exceptionally high standards for men, and have a tough time finding men who meet that standard in your city.
Decent guys you are interested in ask for your number -- but wouldn't call. Why'd he bother getting the number in the first place? So frustrating.
Guys are just plain intimidated by your intelligence and success. As soon as they find out where you went to school or what you do for a living, it's like a cold, wet blanket was thrown on the flame of their interest.
When you liked a guy, he wouldn't call for a second date. And if you didn't like the guy so much, he would call without fail.
You'd date a terrific guy for a few weeks -- and then he would break it off for no apparent reason, even though you were having a great time together. You continue to stew in your own juices afterwards, thinking, "Why does this happen to me?"
You'd date a guy with whom you had amazing chemistry. After a few months of good times, things would go downhill as it became clear you're not right for each other, but you would hold on to the relationship for too long because you just knew you'd make it work.
You'd meet a guy you really liked and had great conversation with, but the sexual connection wasn't that great. "On paper, he's perfect for me, but the spark's just not there." You'd stay with him for a long time, feeling strangely unfulfilled and wondering if you'd made the right choice.
You have a pattern of falling for 'bad boys' and attempting to fix them, which usually ends in tears and heartbreak -- until you find the next bad boy.
If any of these scenarios above sound even vaguely familiar, give me a little nod.
All these challenges are what I saw my female friends and colleagues experience. And chances are you have similar ones.
Now there's an interesting principle from Eastern wisdom which says that a knife can't cut itself. And you can't see a mountain if you're standing on it -- it helps to stand some distance away from it.
Listen to Dr Alex discuss solutions to smart women's dating dilemmas on radio show 'Your Time with Kim Iverson' (12min)
So even though my friends couldn't figure out why they were in this predicament, it was clear to me that they were sabotaging their own fulfillment in subtle ways.
I was just out of medical school then, so my brain was in full "let's diagnose this" mode. What could I do to help them have more fulfillment in their dating lives?
Is it possible that the solution to these challenges was not to try to fix each individual symptom, but to approach the world of dating with a completely new mindset -- a perspective in which these problems wouldn't even arise?
Read on, sister.
Enter the Pooh
Around the same time, an interesting convergence had happened in my life. I had just received training in hypnotherapy and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). And just a few years back, I had picked up a copy of The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff which was my gateway drug to Eastern wisdom and Taoist philosophy.
I carried the Tao Te Ching of Lao Tzu with me wherever I went, and read it on the subway, at bus stops, on the plane, wherever. I even got the tape version and listened to it. I must have read it over 500 times by now.
What I loved about that book was its simplicity and brevity (the whole thing comes in at under 6500 words). And how, in the space of a line or two, it offered you principles that could transform your whole life when you applied it. Here's a passage I'm particularly fond of (as translated by Stephen Mitchell):
If you want to shrink something,
You must first allow it to expand.
If you want to get rid of something,
You must first allow it to flourish.
If you want to take something,
You must first allow it to be given.
This is called the subtle perception
Of the way things are.
The soft overcomes the hard.
The slow overcomes the fast.
Let your workings remain a mystery.
Just show people the results.
The first 20 times I read it, it didn't make sense. But then it started to sink in. Before you can take something, you must allow it to be given.
In other words, create the circumstances for that which you want, and then it will arise naturally, effortlessly. If you want to be loved, be the kind of person who is lovable. If you want commitment, be the kind of person who's worthy of committing to.
And I loved the spirit of the Tao Te Ching. Stop the struggle. Observe the world as it is. Notice the greater wave that's flowing through things, and flow with it. Don't try to swim against the current. Swim with the current, and the universe will aid you along you path.
It all dovetailed nicely with the yoga practice I had just taken up. The soft overcomes the hard. You can think independently of circumstance. Pain happens but suffering is optional. The world is perfect as it is. There was so much complementarity between Buddhist, Hindu, yogic and Taoist philosophy.
The science behind dating success
At the same time, I am trained as a scientist. Having written a neuroscience thesis at Harvard and getting an MD from UC San Diego means I'm not entirely comfortable floating in feel-good generalities that are difficult to apply, as beautiful and soothing as the Eastern teachings are. I want my readers to have something solid to hold on to as well. Something you can apply in the real world.
So to create tools that elevate you while being totally practical and down-to-earth, I decided to combine the two big influences in my life, namely, Eastern wisdom and Western science. The result is The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible.
After going through much research and many retreats, $2000 workshops, interviews, conversations, and life experiences, the course is ready for you to read and benefit from.
Ancient wisdom + Modern science = Your Empowerment
The goal of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible is to give you timeless spiritual principles that you can use to empower you and make your life more fulfilling, in the dating realm and beyond.
Add to that the scientific principles of why people behave the way they do, and it all starts to make a lot of sense.
Both ways of thinking are near and dear to my heart. After three science degrees from Harvard, UCSD and Cambridge, three dissertations, and being a chemistry teaching assistant for three years, I'm soaked in this science stuff like a fish is soaked in seawater.
At the same time, nothing has influenced my life quite as much as the principles of Taoist philosophy and Eastern wisdom. I'm absolutely convinced that they help you become a happier, calmer, more empowered and more fulfilled human being. They've already worked for me and thousands of my male readers.
So if you're more scientifically-inclined, I want The Tao of Dating to be your introduction to useful spiritual principles.
If you're more spiritually-inclined, I want the book to be a gentle primer on the science of why people do the things they do.
You'll be surprised sometimes at how science and spirituality arrive at the same principles. Valid paths to truth often end up converging.
10,000 guys can't all be wrong: Inside the dating male's mind from a real insider
In addition, I wrote a dating book for men three years ago. It was targeted at educated, affluent, spiritual men with a desire to be the best they could be in life.
Since then, I have been privy to their needs, wants, challenges, frustrations, successes and aspirations when it comes to dating women.
I have heard from thousands of them in letters, seminars, polls, consultations, and conversations. And by now I have a pretty good idea of what makes them sing (hint: appreciating them and showing genuine interest in what he has to say) and what makes them rant (hint: not showing up when you say you will, or acting clingy and needy).
And as a bona-fide guy with over three decades of training under my belt, I've been on some dates myself and have some observations to offer.
A course for personal transformation
As a certified clinical hypnotherapist and personal change specialist, I've been through a lot of self-help workshops, seminars and books. Collectively, they have cost me tens of thousands of dollars.
I've noticed that the products that work are the ones that involve the reader in the learning process. It's not just enough to give you useful information -- any book can do that.
What's important is to get you to feel the principles in your bones. Because that's when you're compelled to change your behavior and get some real change.
And that's why I've got exercises in the text ranging from the simple to the utterly radical, to help you transform your life. Along with audios to guide you along those exercises. And regular emails to check in on you and make sure you're reading and doing the exercises.
Not that I don't trust you'd do them on your own. No no no -- far from it. I trust you completely. I just don't trust myself.
I've bought so many courses and books that are now doubling as expensive dust-gatherers that I know that I could use a little nudge to get done more of the things I want to do anyway. A little catalyst goes a long way, I say.
I honestly believe that those exercises alone are worth the price of the course. When you do them, you will discover things about yourself, your mind, your sensuality and your world that may astonish you -- and even transform you.
Here are some of the secrets to love and fulfillment in this highly informative, uplifting, empowering course
Here's some of what we'll cover in the course:
Fulfillment-centered dating: Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. How to re-orient yourself to what you truly want instead of false substitutes. p. 27
Yin and yang, feminine and masculine in relationships. Get this wrong, and nothing will work. Get this right and everything will flow effortlessly. p. 59
The concept of no-self and how to apply it to your life. The fastest way to liberate yourself from fear, doubt, worry and hesitation in your dating life and beyond. This is the best, most fundamental idea in Buddhism, boiled down to its 30-second essence. p. 44
You are the greatest thing since sliced bread -- get used to it. How to embrace and embody your inner goddess (she's there, I swear). I could go on for days on this one, and you should definitely check out the 'How to be a modern goddess' audio excerpt below (it's free). p. 52
The dilemma of the career-oriented woman. How to tap into the infinite power of your femininity in a world drunk with masculine energy. p. 61
Your core values. It's easier to find stuff when you know what to look for. Figure out your core values to stop spinning your wheels and get more of what you want. p. 66
Why men are so damn horny. Understand this, and you'll get a lot more peace of mind and a lot less confusion. p. 77
Meet Biff, Lance and Victor. The three basic types of guys you'll encounter, reasons to date each one (or not), and why you should aim for a Victor when the time is right. p. 73
Kill the prince -- like, now. How the Western romantic notion of the knight in shining armor is seriously getting in the way of your fulfillment. p. 81
Why you rock. All the great things you have to offer in a relationship, and your secret gift as a woman. It's been under your nose all along; it's time you used its power to serve you. p.87
The slot machine model of human behavior. Why good women get stuck in bad relationships, and how to snap out of it now if you're in one. p.90
Self-concept, self-esteem, and the 'marriage shift.' If you've ever found yourself sabotaging a perfectly fine relationship, this is the key to understanding why and to keep it from happening again. p. 90
How to spot bad boys and Good Guys. Take it from a guy -- I know these archetypes well. Selecting the right guy has everything to do with your fulfillment, so let's get it right already. p. 102
The Good Guy's secret turn-on. You may have been afraid to do this, but now you know this is what Mr Right really likes. p. 107
How to have a healthy mental diet. Just like there's junk food for the body, there's junk food for the mind. How avoiding the bad stuff helps you feel good all the time. p. 113
Create a healthy body image. 7 ways to love your body now. If you don't love it, how's he going to love it? p. 141
Your beliefs about the world and yourself. Your beliefs are the hidden software that run your life. Here are 9 beliefs designed to make your life rock. You may find #4 and #5 controversial, but they just plain work. p. 125
The six rules of attitude. How to carry yourself in the world for maximum empowerment. p. 135
The Three Cs of optimal venues. This is how you figure out where's a good spot to meet men, and where's a much better spot. p. 157
The temptation of long-distance relationships, and some very good reasons to avoid them. p. 167
The perils and opportunities of internet dating. p. 172
How to use the tiered approach to meet men -- and make them think it was their idea all along (for years afterwards!). p. 179
The three components of attraction -- and how to use your unfair advantage as a woman. p. 193
Your sensuality is your most powerful resource for attracting men. Here are some suggestions from a guy who knows what turns him into putty. p. 195
The importance of the three-chakra connection. What's missing when you don't connect with a man at the level of heart, mind and body. p. 208
How to attract a man with your mind. This may very well be the single most counter-intuitive item in the book -- straight-up Tao. p. 200
The Magic Question. Ask him this very carefully-formulated question from a man several times, and you'll know everything that's important to know about him. Scout's honor, it works. p. 203
The physiology of attraction. A bunch of neurochemicals are responsible for making you feel the way you feel. Here's who they are and how you can evoke them at will. p. 210
How to create instant rapport in a man so that he feels like he's known you forever. p. 216
How to create passion. Yes, there's a way to do it, and I tell you exactly what it is. Borderline sneaky, fully effective. p. 219
How to make a man fall in love with you. My guys are already roasting me for putting this in the book. But you're going to use your powers responsibly, right? Handle with care. p. 220
How to bring out the best in a man. The power has always been within you to be a great woman to your man -- here's how. p. 224
What drives men away. From a poll of 10,000 of my male readers: what makes them run for the hills, fast. p. 225
The importance of closure. If you're going to break it off with a guy, do so elegantly. Word-for-word instructions on how to do it so that he's likely to remain a loyal friend with no hard feelings. p. 232
How to get the second date. Another counterintuitive approach that has no choice but to get results. p. 240
Physical intimacy -- how do you time it right? Start too soon, and you lose power; start too late, and you lose him. Here's how to strike the balance. p. 242
Men's secret fears about sex. No, women aren't alone in this department. But you sure have the power to make it better, and it's easier than you think. p. 247
How to keep a man worth keeping. You've got him -- now what are you going to do so he sticks around? From an actual guy to you. p. 253
What animal trainers have to say about keeping your man interested. Turns out that guys are a lot more like dolphins than you thought. Scientifically-proven ways to keep you from being taken for granted. p. 258
The Four Horsemen. The research on this is nothing short of amazing, and I want to make sure you know about these fatal communication pitfalls you need to avoid at all cost. p. 261
Okay, so if you've read this far, I'm going to assume that you're at least interested in what I'm talking about. Fantastic. That means there are two possibilities. You've already decided to purchase your copy of The Tao of Dating, in which case I'm not going to argue with that. Just click on the link below:
I'd like to order my copy of The Tao of Dating, like, Now
Otherwise, you're interested in the course and would like to know more before you purchase. In that case, please allow me to treat you to some free material. That way, you can check it out for yourself, ascertain that it's the genuine article, and figure out how right it is for you.
Just enter your first name and primary email below (i.e. a working, functional one, not a phony one like firstname.lastname@example.org), and I'll hook you up with a small raft of eminently useful material, namely:
- An audio from a recent teleseminar entitled 'How to Be A Modern Goddess'
- Excerpts from the 'Tao of Dating for Women' text
No need to sign up again if you've signed up before -- just click 'Continue' (or 'Order' if that's what you're here to do).
If you're a little wary of giving out your email, I know exactly how you feel. I get so much random junk in my inbox that I only keep the useful stuff now.
So you know what? I promise to send you only really useful, interesting stuff -- that's our Good Stuff Only guarantee. And if I ever deviate, you can call me mean names and then unsubscribe with righteous indignation.
The fact is, like many of my readers, you may be surprised to find yourself saving my emails for future reference -- or forwarding them on to your girlfriends.
If you don't want to get them anymore, you can unsubscribe immediately by clicking a link at the bottom of the email. Really simple. (Don't sign up if you've already signed up elsewhere on our site -- just click 'Continue' below.)
And if you don't want to fill the form just quite yet, no problem. Just click on the 'Continue reading' link below, because we have a poignant story which you must read, especially if you've ever been stuck in a subpar relationship...
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