Dating for Happiness

A few months ago, I gave a TEDx talk (third one!) at TEDx Echo Park entitled Happiness Engineering: The Five Pillars of Authentic Success. The first of the five pillars is Intimate Relationships. The other four are Life Purpose, Sleep, Mind Management, and Exercise.

To be fair, the talk is not entirely about dating. Okay, fine, maybe like 20%. But The Tao of Dating has always been about the whole person anyway, because dating brings into play all of who you are. It’s not like someone can date one aspect of you while leaving out the other ones. I mean, it’s possible that there’s some guy out who’s really hankering for a version of you that’s sleep-deprived, out of shape, mentally unbalanced, and dissatisfied at work, but it’s not terribly likely, y’know? Why do you think half the book is about yoga, meditation, mindfulness, gratitude and other happiness practices?

Win Dr Ali’s Kindle Library: The Tao of Dating Superfan Contest (for the ladies only)

So the other day I was reading something that said it’s nice to have fans, but it’s great to have a community. So I’m designating this month as Community Building Month. We’re going to start with a contest to find out who the biggest Tao of Dating fans are out there.

Some of you have listened to the audiobook over 20 times. Some of you have gotten copies of the book for a dozen friends. Some of you have memorized entire passages. Some of you sleep with a copy of it in your pillowcase, even thought it makes the pillow lumpy.

Well, I’d like to know who you are! Here’s how it works:

  1. Get points for each of the activities below. If you’ve done the activity already (eg written a review), you still get the points.
  2. Tally them up and leave your total in the comments. If you don’t want the post to be searchable, just include your first name. Only I can see your email address, and it will remain anonymous.
  3. Person with the highest points by 11.59pm on 30 Sept 2016 wins the prize.

The Grand Prize is Kip, my personal Kindle Paperwhite. I have upgraded to a fancier model, so I don’t use Kip anymore. This makes Kip sad, of course, because he still has 217 or so books on him, and he just wants to be held and read — preferably in your bed because well Kip is a guy duh. So basically, the Grand Prize is my personal digital library, which is over $2000 worth of ebooks (mostly nonfiction). Some of the illustrious titles in this library:

These are all great books, because life is short and i don’t got time to read crappy ones, ya hear? So just to make this clear: you’re winning a whole library of awesomeness. At $8.99 to $14.99 a piece, this is about $2200 worth of ebooks. And the Kindle Paperwhite itself is worth $120, which makes the whole thing worth over $2300. Get crackin’!

Below is how you score points. In a comment on this blog post with your first name and email, write up your activities and your total points, eg “Read book 14 times, posted GoodReads and iTunes reviews, joined Twitter and Facebook, 150 points total”. Just remember that if you’re in contention to win, you may be asked to verify your points. Here we go:

  • Join me on Facebook or Twitter(@DrAliBinazir): 10 points. Include your username to verify. 20 points for each friend you get to join (include their usernames to verify).
  • 5 points for each time you’ve read or listened to The Tao of Dating (honor system).
  • Watch one of my three TEDx Talks. For verification, give it a thumbs-up and leave a comment: Awaken Creative Genius (10 points), Love and the Empowered Woman (15 points), Happiness Engineering (15 points). 20 more points for each time you share it on social media.
  • Post a review to Goodreads, Apple iTunes, or Audible: 40 points. To verify, paste the URL to the review and the name under which the review is posted. Old reviews under your name still count. Amazon reviews don’t count for this contest, but if you’re moved to write one, I will be forever grateful.
  • Select The Tao of Dating audiobook for a 30-day free trial on Audible: 30 points
  • Each friend you sign up for the Tao of Dating newsletter: 40 points. Have them join via the free audiobook sign-up box in the upper right-hand corner of the blog.
  • If you believe my teachings contributed directly to a relationship, past or present: 30 points. Mention what the specific influence was. Extra 20 points if it resulted in a fulfilling partnership lasting 2+ years.

That’s all the ways I can think of for now. If I come up with more ways to score points, I will let you know. In the meantime, let’s get to know each other a little better and have some fun with this shall we?

Good luck, Dr Ali

PS: Later this week, we’ll have posts written by you, the ladies, and next week, a very special interview with one of my readers/collaborators. Stay tuned…

Categories: Dating for Women

6 Comments on “Dating for Happiness”

  1. Amy Deavoll

    Hi Dr. Ali,

    You had me really interested in your Kindle contest… until I read the last bullet stating:

    “If you believe my teachings contributed directly to a relationship, past or present: 30 points. Mention what the specific influence was. Extra 20 points if it resulted in marriage.”

    Twenty points if a relationship resulted in marriage? Aye.

    As a 39 year old woman that was married for 9 years (which resulted in divorce in 2014), but then discovered your book* in late 2014 and have been in a loving, balanced, and healthy relationship for 2 years, I am dismayed that one should get “extra points” for getting married… you should, above all else, know that marriage is scarcely the end goal for a woman (or a man). And frankly, as someone who was married, marriage is a bunch of hooey ;)

    Perhaps consider adjusting to “Extra 20 points if it resulted in a fulfilling partnership.”


    p/s Love your newsletter and mailbag replies! Keep ’em comin’

    *Huge shout-out to you and your incredible book – it truly transformed my perspective and continues to inspire.

  2. Kelli

    Okay, I’m going to say 55 points. Also that includes points for twitter which I signed up for only to follow you and was blocked for some reason; which made me feel sad. I got over it, love you Dr. Ali. Also, couldn’t take points for the audible version, won it from one of your other gift opportunities. I do love community, I do love your work. Awesome talk and thank you. One thing that flipped for me when I read your book was instead of making an intimate relationship my primary #1, I switched to making my life a primary # 1, the be do have theory. After seeing this talk, hmmm . . .

    1. Ali Binazir MD MPhil Post author

      Kelli – No no, you’ve got it right! Take care of your whole life first. It’s just that your intimate relationships also happen to be part of your whole life, and a big part at that. I made intimate relationships the first of the 5 pillars to remind people that it’s not optional or an afterthought — it’s the main show! At the same time, it’s not the whole show. Hope that makes sense :)

  3. Lisa Jackson

    Hello My Life Long Friend And Advisor, ( at least that is the importance I give you for enlightening me to a very fulfilling relationship)

    I found your book after a break up with a man that I had been with for 6 years. Your book was a life saver and I started reading it the actual evening we broke up, desperately searching my Kindle for a book to give me ‘light’ into relationships) and wow my sorrow was replaced with such comfort and thought provoking power instead. Thank you one trillion times!
    15 points for each time I have read The Tao of Dating
    40 points for my best friend signing up on your newsletter.
    30 for you directly contributing to my relationship
    20 for it being the most fulfilling relationship ever!
    Total 105 points

    I told my best friend to read The Tao Of Dating after I read the first few chapters, and then she also signed up for your newsletter. I am happy to provide her email address for verification. I have bought this book for so many ladies including my daughters, not understanding why they, ‘go for-‘ the devil they know’….and they all refer The Tao Of Dating to their friends, so I am sure this cycle has resulted in dozens of books sold.

    I am engaged now, and I keep my mantra written from your book on my refrigerator about the kind of man I want to spend my time and life with. Everyone loves what I wrote, including the amazing man that I share a relationship with. I am so much more relaxed and see things more easily now that you have ‘enlightened’ me!

    Thank You, Dr. Ali– Best Book Ever!
    Lisa Hays Jackson, soon to be Lisa Hays Holmes