Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘More man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have!’

AB: Phoenix cracks me up.  My comments in italics, per custom.

I laugh every time I think about that quote. Probably since it was said by a drag queen character in the movie “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”. But I can recall thinking or saying that referring to myself at several points throughout my life.

I am a very girlie girl. But I am also a very athletic and adventurous woman. I ride my own motorcycle, I have traveled the world solo, and I actually own 3 different types of saws. I often joke that one of the prerequisites to dating me is that I have to feel confident that if we were walking down a dark alley, my date would be the one who would be better suited to defend us than I would. That and he has to have bigger legs than I do ;)

Perhaps that is why I may be more drawn to the stereotypical Manly Men. Looking at the last few prospects that I have dated, there is a bit of a trend. The Doctor (rides motorcycles), The Soldier, Secret Service Agent, and now a Professional Motocross Racer. I read Dr. Alex’s notes from my last few blogs (www.taoofdating.com) and he mentioned that “Motorcycle Man” might fall under the “bad boy” label. If that is true, then I fall within the bad girl label.

I am drawn to risks…I skydive, ride motorcycles, snowboard, rock climb, do a lot of things that are considered “risky”. I do think it’s possible to enjoy those types of activities and still want to come home to a stable and loving household. Where this becomes a problem for me is balancing the Yin with the Yang.

AB: Doing fun, risky things is great and actually enhances your feminine attractiveness — as long as it’s the spice, not the main dish.

I clearly don’t think I embrace enough of the Yin (Feminine energy). I LOOK like I do, but I know that it is hard for me to turn off the “professional me” when not on duty. One of the guys I was dating even commented that once he realized just how important I was in my particular role, that he started treating me differently. Much like the one reader commented about how a crush referred to her as “highly functioning” I knew those compliments spelled disaster.

AB: You can be high-functioning and important at work while being feminine and receptive with your man.  You just have to remember to turn the boss off at home.

I know that is something I have to work on. As for the Doctor, he sent me several texts while I was out on my date with the Motorcycle Man. I sent a reply after my date, but kept it brief. I probably shouldn’t have replied, but after he took the time to give me advice on my wrist, I felt it was the civil thing to do.

Then, yesterday, he text me asking if I had “unfriended him” on one of the social networking sites. I did. I didn’t owe him an explanation…but I sent him one. A day later. “Only to prevent my own profile stalking”. That was true. Perhaps Dr. Alex was right and maybe I overreacted to that one. But the way I see it, if he really WAS interested he would have made more of an effort to actually DATE me. I understand he has a crazy schedule, but at least CALL. Maintain that connection. He didn’t. So he was pruned. And now I’ve moved on. (Have I?) Ugh. Dr. Alex’s comments now have me wondering, should I unblock the Doc?

AB: Don’t second-guess yourself unless you have truly compelling evidence to do so.

I am really thinking the Motorcycle Man has some potential. I like the idea of “being open to everything, but attached to nothing”. I’m not sure if it’s the food cravings that are now overwhelming my thoughts that are driving me to obsess over the Motorcycle Man. I got a brief, but sweet email from him in the morning, but didn’t hear from him at all the rest of the day. I went to the gym with my super amazing motivational friend, and it wasn’t until I got home that he sent a text. But he did send me many very sweet and affectionate texts Monday, the day after the first date.

Hard to figure out which part of this behavior is really me and which is the “cleanse”. Today I fantasized about carbs. The sweet doughy kind…and hamburgers, which I normally NEVER want. I’m in my 2nd week of the cleanse and it seemed reasonably doable until today. Today I wanted to order Thai. I wanted to make chocolate mousse. I wanted to binge. No bueno. I went to the gym instead. Just a constant reminder that life is a struggle. Time to just suck it up and hope for the best. Gonna start part 2 before bed…hopefully the answers are within!

AB: For the record, I have never recommended a cleanse or fast as part of my programs.  Phoenix undertook that of her own volition, and frankly I think 2 weeks is plenty of proof of concept.  As a physician, I’ll say that many of the cleanses popular today are fad diets and have no basis in scientific evidence, especially the ‘Master Cleanse’ which seems downright dangerous.  A healthy, balanced diet is the way forward.

The Taoists don’t really believe that life is a struggle.  The Way harmonizes with the way of nature and therefore is the path of least effort.  If you’re struggling, it may be a sign that something’s not quite right.  Concerted effort, good; struggle, not as good.

“Without a struggle, there is no progress” – Frederick Douglass

p.s. In case you were wondering, I have my own a reciprocating saw, jigsaw, and tile saw. I’m a confirmed DIY Goddess…now if only that would carry over to my love life!

1 Comment on “Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘More man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have!’”

  1. Luke

    Phoenix & Dr. AB,

    Grand post. I especially like the bit about the cleansing and AB’s comments wherein. As a nutritionist & health practitioner, I wholly agree that many ‘cleanses’ and ‘detoxes’ are not healthy, such as the duly noted master cleanse.

    I will, however, proffer the well-evidenced idea that many Americans have insufficient nutritional resources to adequately carry out Phase II liver detoxification, nor do they have the requisite fiber to expel wastes. Thus there are cleanses and cleanse products from reputable, physician-run companies and organizations that do radically enhance detoxification.

    More germaine to the conversation, a strong, safe, and effective detoxification program can help one lose weight, have more energy, more vibrance, clearer and more attractive skin, and even better mood. All things that can help us in that dance called the Tao of Dating.

    Further I would also note that various forms of fasting & cleansing have been part of the Taoist milieu for centuries. Daniel Reid, a notable Taoist author, has been doing detox and cleanse work for decades, and notes in his well-researched books both the Taoist origins of his detox work, and the profound spiritual effects of such cleansing and detox.

    Spring is a great time to detoxify, as the Taoists believe that the liver, our main detox organ is most active versus any other season.

    Happy Spring Cleanign & Good Hunting!