Anti-Friction Technique Set #2: Overcome

Yesterday, we talked about how to bypass friction, especially when it comes to meeting women.

Today, I’m going to talk a little bit about how to overcome friction.

Basically, here’s the scenario: you’ve seen her. You’d like to meet her, but you’ve taken too long and your brain’s ‘aw crap’ mechanism has already kicked in. You’ve started thinking about it, which is the essence of friction.

Well, I would have preferred that you’d gotten in there quicker, but hey — this situation’s going to come up, so let’s deal with it, shall we?

What’s happened is that some kind of prior emotional state of friction has started to settle into your neurology. Our goal is to change your state, because the behaviors that you want are state-dependent. Get the right state, get the right action.

This is the essence of Taoist thought: “The master does nothing but accomplishes everything.” I interpret this as meaning that the master allows right action — te, the middle word in Tao Te Ching — to emanate from him naturally, vs. having to force things.

This is freakin’ profound, so I’m going to repeat it: the right action arises from the right state. So if you want to execute the right action, get in the right state.

So what are some states in which it’s natural for you to just go up to people and say hi?

For me, it’s right after yoga class or a deep meditation session. There’s no barrier between me and anything, so for a few shining minutes, I’m less of my asshole self and more of an open, loving person.

Another time is when I’ve gotten some great news or some big triumph. I feel like I have the world in the palm of my hand, and I can go up to anybody and say anything.

Ever felt that way when your team won? Or maybe when you were watching the game tying goal in the US vs Canada hockey game?

Now you may be thinking, “It’s not very convenient for me to leave the party, take an hourlong yoga class or meditate for half an hour and come back. Is there an easier way, doc?”

Yeah, yeah, wiseguy. I hear ya. There IS an easier way.

It’s called anchoring, and it allows you to re-evoke any past mental state basically instantly.

All you have to do is this: associate a unique stimulus with the peak of that desired state. Say, a snap of your fingers. Or the ringing of a bell (remember Pavlov?). That’s your anchor to the state.

Now, every time you fire that anchor again, you get that state back. Neat, eh?

You’ve already got a whole bunch of anchors running inside your head – you just don’t know it.

Does the ringtone of your cell phone make you jump up and scramble, even when it’s someone else’s phone?

Does a loud honk for a car on the road put you on edge?

What happens to your head when you hear the song you first made out to? Or made love to? Or the perfume of your first girlfriend?

If you’re American, what happens when you hear ‘The Star Spangled Banner’? Does it make you want to automatically get up, put your right hand on your heart, and sing along?

What does the sound of your mom’s voice admonishing you do to your head?

The point is this: you’ve got dozens if not hundreds of unconscious anchors running inside your head. Your brain is a connection machine. It’s job is to connect stimulus with state and behavior. You see sabre-toothed cat, you run. Same idea.

So why not give you some useful anchors designed to make you happier and more effective in life? Better than going about it all haphazardly.

In the Approach Clinic,, I’ll teach you in delightfully excruciating detail how to set anchors on yourself – and also set some really useful ones so you have them handy.

Heck, now that I think about it, I should just do a whole workshop on anchoring.

I’ll also teach you another Overcoming technique – what I call ‘The Brain Eraser.’

Don’t worry, it’s only temporary – you’ll get the content back. Well, most of it at least. Assuming there was any there to start with.

The idea with the Brain Eraser is that you can either overcome the unhelpful state by replacing it with a more useful state, OR you can just blank it out and start with empty.


Here’s the great thing about these techniques: once I teach them to you, you can teach them to your friends. They’ll think you’re the coolest guy, like, ever and they’ll owe you serious beer. As a bonus, you’ll learn it better yourself.

So to make this more interesting, I propose a contest: whoever comes up with the best/worst story about an approach that he botched or wished he had done differently gets to attend for free – AND get a 15min consult with yours truly on a topic of your choice. (If you’ve already signed up, we’ll make it a 30min consult.)

I know that you guys find the notion of getting crap for free highly motivating, so there’s my marketing ploy for the day.

Post your stories as comments below.

The Approach Clinic is approaching fast – Tuesday March 9 is right around the corner. So sign up, like, now: Approach Clinic registration. Use coupon code ‘APPROACH’ to get 60 beans off.

Take it away,

Categories: Dating for Men

2 Comments on “Anti-Friction Technique Set #2: Overcome”

  1. dk

    I believe these principles can also be applied to drug addiction and their triggers. Am I right? I would like to get your book and give it to people who I know are struggling.

    Please let me know where I can get your book.

    1. Dr Alex Benzer Post author

      Thanks for the kind words and the comments. For the books, click on the pictures at the top of the page!