Hi Dr. Alex,
I was in a long-term relationship not too long ago. Now that I am over it, I would like to continue dating like I was, when I was younger… I have recently started college at a new University, so I don’t know too many women. I addition to that, it seems like the only plausible time for me to meet someone is when I am out with friends, and we usually end up at the bar. So, I was curious if you could give me any advice for a non-traditional student that lives off campus, and for a guy that’s trying to meet women in bars. I know that you said a bar is low on the CCC, but thats usually where I go when I am with friends. Oh, and I just started school, I was in the military for a few years. Thanks in advance.
Thanks for writing in. Well, you’re very well positioned because you’re pretty young, and you’ve gotten a hold of this material early on. You’ve got all the time in the world! In the meantime, if bars are where you end up, no worries — when the world gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Bars are an outstanding place to practice the principles, and since you already know it’s not the best place to make a connection, you’re not too worried about success or failure. So you can practice with total abandon and detachment from results, which paradoxically should make your results go through the roof. Treat it as an arena to hone your skills, and you’ll do brilliantly.
By the way, the Three C’s Jason refers to are the three criteria for an optimal venue for meeting women, as they appear in Chapter 6 of The Tao of Dating (available at www.thetaoofdating.com/order). The Three C’s are:
— Conversation-friendliness: speech is your most effective way of conveying information, and you want to be in a place where you can hear and be heard without extra effort
— Continuity: ideally, people are going to stick around for a little while in this place, or even better, return to it regularly (e.g. think evening class)
— Community: there’s a reason for all of you to be there. The more specific the reason, the better, because the more you’ll have in common just by virtue of being there.