Dr. Ali "Victor" Binazir, Happiness Engineer

Conversation tips for ‘sexy, nerdy girls’

First of all, I’d like to say a happy Persian New Year to everyone out there.  The vernal equinox marks the first day of spring as well as the beginning of the Persian calendar.  It’s a time of renewal, rebirth and remembrance, and an excellent excuse to party, which I encourage all of you to do.

Now here’s a letter from a reader a propos last night’s teleseminar:

i listened in to your seminar last night… i had a question. last night the last third of your talk centered around how to help men feel confident enough to approach women. you suggested (and said several times) that women know what to do “naturally” in that scenario.

especially for smart women, i have to disagree: we don’t!

i’d be interested in your suggestions for sexy nerdy girls who either shoot down men who do approach by being too “smart”  (over engaging in intellectual convo too soon with a dude) or ones like me who don’t know how to the “natural” thing and allow men to approach.

feel free to reprint in your email blast. am curious to hear your advice. (my advice to myself is to stop looking at the floor and make eye contact. but easier said than done.) –Samantha, New York City

Thanks for writing in, Sam.

When I say that women naturally know what to do, I mean that they are constantly sending unconscious (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 20 March 2009

Teleseminar TONIGHT: ‘Smart, Meet Heart’

The teleseminar I’m holding tonight, Thursday 19 March 2009, will elaborate on the concepts from the previous post. It’s free to join us on the call, although there’s only room for 200 listeners, so call in early:

Date: Thu 19 March 2009
Time: 6pm PDT/9pm EDT
Duration: about 60min
Call-in #: 218 486 1300
Access code: 667202

It’s totally, completely and utterly free.  We’ll have some live Q&A time, so lob ’em at me, baby.

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 19 March 2009

Smart, Meet Heart: 5 Remedies for (Smart) People’s Dating Woes

Some of you, my astute readers, already noticed that the dating challenges enumerated in the last article – focusing on careers instead of relationships, expecting to be loved for the wrong reasons, not acting like a sexual being, self-sabotaging and ego identity – are not just specific to smart people.  They’re specific to people.  Smart, successful folks simply get a little extra wallop of them.

Well, that’s nice, you say. Now what are we going to do about it, doc?

So glad you asked.  Let’s take them one-by-one:

1) Make meaningful connection to other human beings a priority.

In Tolstoy’s novella The Death of Ivan Ilyich, a rich Russian judge finds himself on his deathbed at age 45.  He’s spent his whole life doing the ‘right’ things – the right education, job, marriage, neighborhood, social circles.  Yet, on the brink of death, he realizes that his life has been (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 19 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Miles to go before I sleep’

AB: Another frank, spirited post from The Phoenix.  It’s not all rosy-colored out there… Comments below.

I can’t sleep. It’s 5:41 am, and I am WIDE awake. After 3 failed attempts at sleep, I have actually accomplished quite a few random tasks that needed to be done (bills paid, applications filled out, etc).

Then I start doing the WORST possible thing I can do at 5am. Unblocking the random people I worked so hard to block on a damn social networking site. Good grief. How old am I??? YOU ARE IN YOUR THIRTIES…not 13. This type of behavior reminds me of when my cousin used to make me go with her when she would drive by her crushes house periodically. It’s the equivalent of stalking, just digitally.

AB: Perhaps the social networking sites should be excised as part of the fast.  You didn’t have them in 2003, and your life was fine then.  I’d start with a 1-week holiday.

The Doctor asked me what I meant by my txt today, and it lead to a reasonably uncomfortable (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 12 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘More man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have!’

AB: Phoenix cracks me up.  My comments in italics, per custom.

I laugh every time I think about that quote. Probably since it was said by a drag queen character in the movie “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”. But I can recall thinking or saying that referring to myself at several points throughout my life.

I am a very girlie girl. But I am also a very athletic and adventurous woman. I ride my own motorcycle, I have traveled the world solo, and I actually own 3 different types of saws. I often joke that one of the prerequisites to dating me is that I have to feel confident that if we were walking down a dark alley, my date would be the one who would be better suited to defend us than I would. That and he has to have bigger legs than I do ;)

Perhaps that is why I may be more drawn to the stereotypical Manly Men. Looking at the last few prospects (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 11 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Caution: Construction Zone’

AB: This is The Phoenix’s follow-up from the date with the Helmeted Hottie (aka Motorcycle Man).  My comments in italics.

Easy girl. Don’t get too excited just yet. Yes, the date went great and he’s even better looking in person….and the conversation was really good…and he seems to be on the same page….BUT IT’S A FIRST DATE.

***now would be a good time for that meditation***

So the Helmeted Hottie was really great. Better than expected. Granted, he may not be (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Get your motor running’

The Phoenix rides again — this time almost literally. My comments in italics.-AB

So I’ve probably read more of the Tao this weekend than I should have in one sitting. I got to the point where I couldn’t just stop, so I ended up reading several chapters. However, that play by play will have to wait.

Right now, I am sitting on my couch, dressed and ready to go meet a new prospect. I haven’t gotten to the part of the Tao that tells me whether or not online dating is a good or a bad thing, so I figure (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘The Doctor’

The Phoenix rides again. See my comment at the end.– AB

I can’t sleep.

That’s pretty normal for me though.  I have a lot on my mind lately.  Work, life, food (a la cleanse = lack of), etc.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  There is Fate, but it generally falls into the overall plan.

Tonight I went to Yoga to fulfill my twice a week goal.  I hate going to the gym at night since it’s packed…mostly with women with full on club make-up and with more intention of being picked up (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 9 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Absence makes the heart wander’

The Phoenix has a new entry up.  I’m so proud of her!  She’s really putting the material to use.  It was my goal to present the material in the book in such a way that the readers would actually implement it, so it’s tremendously gratifying when someone does that.  My hope is that these blog posts can be a catalyst for you, my dear reader sitting at her computer screen, to put the material to use as well.

My comments will be in italics henceforth.

Chapter 2: Who You Really Are

I read this chapter by candlelight while soaking in my tub last Thursday evening. It made such an impact that I have taken a week to marinate in the thoughts and the emotions that those thoughts stirred. I was already coping with the realization that it may not be the men in LA that are the problem, but the problem may just lie (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘So it begins — Chapter 1’

The Phoenix speaks again:

“First impressions: Sinking gut. That lead weight feeling you get when you know you’ve really messed something up. As I read the “Introduction I couldn’t skip” I felt a wave of self pity wash over me. I was these women Dr. Alex was describing.

I had flashbacks to my last blog joking about my wild attraction to guys without jobs or enough money to even take me out on a decent date…it really isn’t all that funny. I do want a “Good Guy”. As I read the description of what I want aka The Good Guy (strong internal compass, leader, comfortable in his own skin, knows what he wants, etc) I could hear my inner optimist screaming, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”, but once I finished the paragraph my inner pessimist chimed in with, “pshaw, yeah right…not in LA.”

“When you chase anything in life, you are affirming (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 March 2009

Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘The Brazilian’

This is the second installment of Phoenix’s Tao of Dating experiment:

I had lunch with the Brazilian today. He called around 11am just as I was about to head out the door to grab lunch in Santa Monica. “Sure, I’ll meet you for lunch”.

We met sometime last summer on a popular dating website. He was great looking, successful, intelligent…but fresh out of a failed marriage (about a year and a half fresh). We shared a love of adventure, extreme sports, and were both confessed gear whores. (Is there such a thing as REI anonymous?) (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 March 2009

Why the smartest people have the toughest time dating

I have a mini-confession to make: I wrote the Tao of Dating books specifically for really smart people (both women and men).  The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus, as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, wallowed in them as a student.

Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes — only now with fewer single people around living in the same building and sharing meals with them every day.  So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1000 times worse once they’re expelled from the warm womb of alma mater.

From my observations, the following dating challenges are common to most smart people.  In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you’re going to have in your dating life.

On the one hand, this makes (more…)

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Written by Ali Binazir MD MPhil on 10 November 2011