This is the first post by The Phoenix as part of The Tao of Dating Experiment. We’ll be putting up her posts here; you can also follow her postings at taoofdatingexperiment.blogspot.com.
1. a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope.
2. a person or thing of peerless beauty or excellence; paragon.
3. a person or thing that has become renewed or restored after suffering calamity or apparent annihilation.
How did I get here? Odds are I’m probably a lot like you or someone you know. Female, early 30’s, reside in Los Angeles, California. I think most would consider me reasonably successful given my age and well “lived”. I own my own home, financially secure, educated, and attractive enough to have once earned a living based on my appearance. I am the one that you probably ask, “why is she single?” Trust me; I hear it all the time. It’s odd since being in LA lots of people are single in their 30’s…however, in most parts of the country when people hear that I am single I feel like the Old Spinster with the pack of small dogs. (I only have one dog, by the way.)
I used to be the girl who always had a boyfriend. I went from one long term relationship to the next. The “Serial Monogamist” I was called. Once I got to college, that all stopped. Suddenly I was too focused to be bothered with a boyfriend. I was there on scholarship and had to maintain a 3.3 GPA in addition to working several jobs. Who had time to date?
After college I had two long term relationships that lasted 2+ years, but I knew that I had yet to find “the One”. I never was much of a hunter. I suppose if someone was persistent enough and willing to deal with my career focus, I would date them. It wasn’t until my last relationship that I really started to think long term.
We dated for nearly 2 years. Bought a place together (well, I bought it, but he helped fix it up and lived in it with me) and were practically married. Then things fell apart and I got my heart broken. This was 5 years ago and I suppose that is another reason why I remained single all this time…still mending a broken heart. I kept thinking that I wasn’t emotionally ready to be in a relationship. I dated, but once things got too close I would inevitably pull away.
If I don’t let people get close they can’t hurt me, right? Not an ideal way to live, but it was safe. I liked safe.
But here I am now. I am ready. I want to find “the One”. I am emotionally healthy (at least I finally feel I am) and ready to at least put myself out there. I know that I want to be in a loving and stable relationship and I will never get there if I don’t actually take some initiative.
That brings me to how I got to this blog. I am a personal friend of Dr. Alex Benzer. During a recent event he had brought The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Embracing Your Inner Goddess and Finding Fulfillment You Deserve. As I thumbed through the pages looking for the juiciest morsels of information I suggested that he find someone to actually test out the theories in the book and blog about them. Like a Sex and the City for the relationship challenged. Little did I know that in making that statement I had essentially volunteered myself as the first subject.
What do I have to lose? Nothing, but I have everything to gain. Clearly my own tactics and strategies have not worked, since I am still single and would prefer to not be. I am constantly told that I am a great catch, but seem to lose interest in the guys who show interest in me, and vice versa. I’m sure that I am probably making the same mistakes a lot of women make, but never really took the time to figure out why.
I do not have a problem finding dates. I do have a problem finding meaningful connections with the guys I date. I am assertive and dominant in my professional life, but when it comes to dating I am very old fashioned and perhaps even timid. I’m thinking if applying the techniques and strategies in this book can help me, odds are it can help anyone. Not that I’m a lost cause, but because I have tried in vain for quite some time to find a meaningful relationship in one of the most difficult cities to date, Los Angeles.
So there you have it. I am inviting you to join me on my quest and welcome your comments. My inner Goddess awaits and is looking forward to that elusive fulfillment that I so deserve. I am the Phoenix. Hear me roar.