Tip #18 of 20: The best way to look good is to FEEL good

Ladies — allow me to let you in on a huge secret that will save you oodles of time, money, energy and grief.  Men are definitely visual creatures, so you have to be a man’s type in order for him to feel attracted to you.  However, if you’re not his type, there’s almost no beauty trick you can do – heels, lipstick, eyeliner, plastic surgery, Spanx – that will make him hot for you.  And if you are his type, you could be wearing a burlap sack and he’d still want you.

This means that most of the effort women put into making themselves look good beyond just looking decent and presentable – eg four different highlights in the hair, trendy super-cute dress, ultra-fancy shoes that cost you a week’s pay – is lost upon men (the straight ones, at least).  It just doesn’t register on their radars.

What do we men notice?  Your energy, your vivacity, your radiance.  That kind of thing is contagious, and when you feel good, we feel good around you, too.  And we want to be around you more.

So exercising, going to a yoga class, meditating a bit or reading something inspirational do far more for your attractiveness than time spent taming your hair or manipulating your complexion.  Once the right man has found you attractive enough to seek out your company, he’s looking for the beauty that lights you up from within.  So working on feeling good always pays off more.

Comments? Thoughts?  I want to hear them! Sound off in the comments below.

Categories: Dating for Women

5 Comments on “Tip #18 of 20: The best way to look good is to FEEL good”

  1. jana

    i am often surprised how often the men i work with are attracted to my rather plain, tomboyish colleague. she’s in her late 40s, dresses terribly, makes no effort with her skin or hair, but is confident, athletic, positive, AGGRESSIVELY teases and contradicts them. i’ve always been such a “good girl” and have rarely been long without a romantic relationship but i watch her in a bit of shock, as being pretty and “nice” has always seemed important to men before. now, as we get older and looks fade (mine are still hanging in there, but my colleague actually looks older than she is), it seems that men 45+ are not as looks-oriented as younger men and much more interested in a woman who can/will do guy things with them. i live in a super-sporty town and am more intellectually oriented than this woman so the super-sporty men aren’t what i’m looking for, but it’s still food for thought. as always, you’ve got good points, ali!

  2. sharon

    Men love confidence. Dr Ali, you are so correct about true beauty coming from the inside out. My favourite women are French actresses Jeanne Moreau, Catherine Deneuve and Juliette Binoche. All are striking women on the outside, and also have an inner radiance and high energy, and are comfortable in their skins, even as older women, they still radiate that inner glow. These women are my role models, and yes, as I spend more time in my soft, yet strong feminine energies, men are attracted to me and find me intriguing. However, it’s important for women to firstly dress to impress themselves as indivuals first. If women fall in love with their own looks first, others will follow. The self-love must come first!

  3. Grace

    This is so right on. Sex (or attractiveness) is basically energy, and you are the right wavelength with a guy, or you are not. I have found that I can go out after having gone to the gym (for example), with zero makeup on, with sunglasses on, and I have had guys on the sidewalk stop and talk to me, tell me I have beautiful skin (?), and so on.

    I also think if you have a good personality and can goof around with a guy (slightly make fun of him), make him laugh, that is a biggie. I cannot tell you how many beautiful beautiful women I know… and it is like talking to dishwater. I think because they get so much attention from others, they never had to work on their personality and “play ball.” As a guy friend said to me: “After a while, you have to be able to talk to the girl…”

  4. FT

    Absolutely!!!! I find it odd what I am wearing when I get the most compliments. It’s usually something that I am comfortable in and that radiates from the inside… Not the clothes outside. I am actually less comfortable in heels and a slinky dress than I am in jeans and sneakers! Too much margin for error… falling off your heels or tucking your dress into your undies when you leave the ladies room.

    My first date with a guy was a in the park. I wore workout clothes. We all know how flattering those sports bras are! Or should I say flattening? My tan was fading. I wore sunglasses because it was sunny. But.. I work out regularly and it was an outfit I was comfortable in and an environment I was comfortable in so it made it easier to just focus on “the date” and not making continous adjustments in my outfit, make-up, etc. I got many dates afterwards and am still getting them!

    I try to wear clothes that fit well, even if they are just sweat pants, but I do the hair and a little make-up because that is how I am comfortable. My make-up and hair is simple so I am not in constant grooming mode and can be confident and focus on other things!

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