Ladies. Let’s play a game, shall we?
I invite you to imagine a special kind of ice cream. It’s orchid-flavored. It tastes exquisitely good. Moreover, the deeper you dig into a scoop, the better it tastes. So much so that the last spoonful is almost orgasmic.
Not only does orchid ice cream taste good, it also seems to be good for you. It keeps the body healthy and balanced, and has particularly salubrious effects on the mind. After a scoop of orchid, you feel refreshed, relaxed and energized at the same time. And whatever was weighing on your mind before the scoop seems to magically evaporate afterwards. It’s almost as if you’ve exercised or something. Oh, and people who regularly eat orchid ice cream sleep better and rarely get depressed.
There is a catch: you can only order orchid ice cream if you intend to share it. Luckily, it tastes even better when it’s shared. Moreover, you forge a lasting bond with the person you share it with. Some people report having lifetime friendships even from just one scoop! And the more scoops you share, the stronger the bond.
Now you may be worried that orchid ice cream is fattening. But here’s the crazy thing: it’s not! It even helps people stay trim, if you can believe that. Because it’s not fattening, there are women who’ve had seven or more scoops in one sitting.
To recap: It tastes great. Tastes better the more you eat and the more you share. It’s good for your mind and your body. It’s good for making and maintaining lasting bonds with people. It doesn’t make you fat.
Oh, and one more thing: it’s free.
Imagine this: you start your day with a scoop of orchid and feel energized. There’s a bounce in your step and a lift in your spirit. You seem to get your way at work with minimal effort, and the little things just don’t bug you. There’s a tingle in your body and a grin on your face all day, and you feel sexy in a way that is both empowering and exhilarating.
So, my questions to you: If you had access to orchid ice cream, how often would you eat it? How willing would you be to share your scoop? And how would you feel about someone who hoarded her portion?
Would you have some once a week? Maybe twice a month? Ten times a year? If you’re sane, I’m guessing you’d have as much orchid ice cream as possible. You’d want to share it as often as possible, and consider the hoarder some combination of stingy and irrational. Not really selfish even, since she’s depriving herself.
Does orchid ice cream exist? I’m delighted to report that it does.
It’s called sex.
As a woman, you can have it any day of the week, pretty much anywhere in the world. It feels amazing, and it’s good for your mind and body in ways that science is only beginning to understand. It bonds you to your partner, sometimes for a liftetime. And it’s totally free.
And yet, in North America and most of the Western world, women are having sex 1-2 times a week if they’re in a relationship, once a month or less if they’re not in one.
Am I the only person to whom all this does not make sense?
There’s a story about Tiresias, the mythical blind prophet, who spent time both as a woman and a man. When asked by the goddess Hera whether men or women enjoy sex more, he said that women enjoy it nine times more than men.
A quote attributed to the Prophet Mohammad says, “Of pleasure, Allah made ten parts, and gave one to Man and nine to Woman.”
And here’s a great quote by Mark Twain that I found:
“Now there you have a sample of man’s “reasoning powers”, as he calls them. He observes certain facts. For instance, that in all his life, he never sees the day that he can satisfy one woman; also that no woman ever sees the day that she can’t overwork, and defeat, and put out of commission any ten masculine plants that can be put to bed to her. He puts those strikingly suggestive and luminous facts together, and from them draws this astonishing conclusion: The Creator intended the woman to be restricted to one man.”— Letters from the Earth
Anecdotally, I can report that women enjoy sex more than guys. Guys talk about having an orgasm. Women talk about having whole battalions of orgasms.
I can also report that women make more noise than guys during sex. It’s such a well-known phenomenon that researchers have a name for it: female copulatory vocalizations (or FCVs). You may have even had the experience of hearing your neighbor’s ecstatic peals through solid apartment walls. And it’s usually not the guy neighbor.
As far as anyone can tell, the purpose of FCVs is to turn men on. Not just the one she’s with, but all men within earshot. Because back on the savanna, there were no walls. Basically, it’s a woman’s built-in advertising mechanism for more partners, courtesy of evolution.
So now, I will re-iterate the question from earlier in the article: if you had no fear of reprisal, no fear of tarnishing your reputation, no fear of endangering your health or getting pregnant, how often would you have your orchid ice cream?
Would you share it more frequently, with different partners, just to see what it’s like?
Because us humans are suckers for variety, you know. Forever curious. You are, too. You’re gonna tell me you’ve never thought, “Hmm, wonder what that guy’s like in bed?”
Would you use it as a way to make new friends? To relieve stress? To have some pleasant companionship? To pleasantly fill a sunny Sunday afternoon?
Because, let’s face it – most of it comes down to the fear of being called a slut. And as a result, you’re treating an unlimited resource – your vagina – as if you might run out of it.
Pussy is like information and love. You can give it away, and still have it in the morning. It’s magical like that.
Many women who reached escape velocity and took residence beyond the gravitational pull of judgment consumed their orchid ice cream quite liberally. Think Brigitte Bardot and Elizabeth Taylor of the legendary sexual appetites. It’s just quaint and silly to call them sluts. Or Pamela Harriman. Or all those Playboy models who married rich and are doing just fine, thank you.
And over the course of history, according to Chris Ryan and Cacilda Jetha in Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, “societies in which women have lots of autonomy and authority tend to be decidedly male-friendly, relaxed, tolerant, and plenty sexy.” Anywhere women have equal access to power, wealth and status and aren’t judged, they eat their orchid ice cream at will. Think Scandinavian countries, the Netherlands, and the matriarchal Mosuo of China.
Mosuo women’s rooms have two doors: one that opens to the inner, family courtyard, and another that opens to the outside world. A Mosuo woman may let any man in through the outer door. The only rule is that he must be gone by dawn.
‘Gone by dawn’ has a nice ring to it.
You may also not be aware of what you’re depriving men of. Every time you have sex with a guy, it’s like you’re giving him the whole universe. I kid thee not. We’re just dumbfounded, thinking, “Why would this outrageously beautiful creature want to sleep with me? This makes no sense – and I love it!”
Also, sex seems to have a dampening effect on the more destructive aspects of masculine energy. If guys were getting laid constantly, they’d probably be too happy (and exhausted) to wage war or take up a hobby like suicide bombing. It works for bonobos (with whom we share 98.4% of our genes) who have no war and use frequent sex as a peacemaking tactic.
Facetiousness aside, the 14th Dalai Lama did say recently that the world will be saved by the Western woman. I don’t believe the world needs saving, but our boy #14 does have a point.
You, Western woman, have access to a crazy amount of power right now. Not just mastery of the masculine aspects – wealth, status and authority – but the feminine aspects, too, which men are terrible at.
The first step in accessing that power is to liberate yourself from your own judgment. Because we feel judged only to the extent that we judge ourselves. So refuse to put down any other woman for any reason. Expunge words like slut, bitch and whore from your vocabulary. Never demonize sexual energy, but instead be curious about it, welcome it, explore it.
Oh, and have you tried orchid ice cream recently? I’ve heard it’s delicious.