Category: Safety

  • Dating Danger in the Digital Age: “Nobody’s Victim” by Carrie Goldberg

    ***Reminder: Webinar CHARISMA KILLERS: THE 7 DEADLY SINS OF PUBLIC SPEAKING is TOMORROW 13 DEC, 12pm PT/3pm ET/5pm São Paulo/8pm London. Sign up here.***

    A couple of months ago, I was wandering in one of my favorite spots in the world, The Strand Bookstore in New York City, when a book with an unusual cover caught my eye: Nobody’s Victim: Fighting Psychos, Stalkers, Pervs, and Trolls by Carrie Goldberg (ebook & print).

    What is this all about? I requested the ebook from my local library via the insanely great Libby app (which you should all get, by the way). A few weeks later, I had the book in my paws for freeeee, wheeee. Aren’t libraries incredible? For a man with a 160 book-a-year habit, yes they are

    Halfway through the book, which I read in two sittings, I bought the book anyway because it’s scary good. As in both scary and good. So scary that I don’t think I ever want to have a daughter, jeebus.

    Carrie Goldberg is a lawyer whose law firm helps people who have been targeted by “psychos, assholes, trolls, and pervs.” These are terms of art that I’ll let Carrie herself describe:

    My staff and I have even developed a shorthand to describe the shitheads we see most often: psychos, who obsessively stalk, threaten, and intimidate their prey; assholes, who exploit or mistreat victims out of willful ignorance or arrogance or for their own financial gain; trolls, who terrorize victims under the cloak of internet anonymity; and pervs, who get off on overpowering victims into sex acts against their will.

    The stories of Carrie’s clients are harrowing to read. It’s remarkable how awful humans can be to each other. Well, actually, in this book, it’s men being awful to women, and sometimes to other men. (more…)

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  • Before you say “I do”: a checklist for women

    I’m happy to report that I’m riled up again.  A good thing, because it makes me do useful things, like finishing books and writing this here article.

    It’s not a good thing because usually what gets me riled up is a good woman stuck in a bad spot.

    Not so long ago, I met such a woman.  She’s smart, healthy, tall, educated and dazzlingly beautiful.  Her poetry attests to a nimble intellect, an expansive soul and an observant eye for the truth.  A rare individual.

    What I did not understand was how she got married to a man who ended up abusing her, cheating on her and blaming his cheating on her (“This is what you deserve”).  She had two children with him and is still going through a rancorous divorce 2 years after separating, and is in a pretty tough spot financially and emotionally.

    How does crap like this happen to good women — smart women who know better?

    Well, it can happen in a lot of ways:

    • You fall in love, put your frontal lobe in a jar and marry a guy you later on find you don’t know all that well.
    • Some dude pursues you so doggedly that you just give up after a while.
    • You’re stuck in a bad living situation and use marriage as an escape route.
    • Your parents treated you poorly so you marry a guy who fits that love template ’cause it feels like home, albeit a shitty one.

    The reasons for women marrying the wrong guy are (more…)

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