“What’s he thinking?” and the pitfalls of online dating (AUDIO)

Ladies —

This is one of the best letters I’ve gotten in a while, and in this podcast I’ll tell you why, and what an octopus (?!) has to do with it.  Jennifer had a summer romance with someone she met online, and then — things got weird.  Now she’s wondering whether it’s worth retrieving, and what the guy’s strange behavior means.  To get the full story, listen to the podcast — right-click to download (8mb):

“What’s he thinking?” and the pitfalls of online dating

Let me know what you’re thinking!

Best, Dr Ali B

2 Comments on ““What’s he thinking?” and the pitfalls of online dating (AUDIO)”

  1. Jennifer

    Dear Dr. Ali,

    I just listened to your online dating podcast and thankfully you have given me a new perspective. My last two experiences on online dating have been really depressing. Three weeks ago I met “Fireman” online. We emailed a few times and met two days later. I had a wonderful time with him, there was plenty of eye contact, really good conversation about the medical field (he is a parametic and I just became an emt) and his kids and we laughed a lot. He walked me to me car when it was time for me to leave and kissed me very passionately and said he wanted to get together soon. He sent me two texts that evening and told me how much he liked me and that he thought I was very sexy. I replied that I really enjoyed meeting him too. The next day he called to set up a date, he wanted to know when I would be free…then poof. I didn’t hear from him for 10 days until he sent an email saying that he was camping with his kids and asked about how I am. I replied to that then nothing! I was so bummed. Then I met a guy three days ago, pretty much the same story. He sent an email a couple hours after the date and said that we wanted to see me next week and he will call when he has something planned. I emailed back that I had fun and look forward to seeing him again. Then nothing…poof. This is the first time this has happened to me and twice in a row! If I have a first date with a guy and I don’t feel a connection I will tell them. Why would a guy go as far as wanting to set up another date then go away. Why not just say I will call you or see you soon. But this is really confusing to me. I think it might me the internet thing like you said. Either way I am nexting them because I want to be with someone who wants to be with me on a consistant basis. And I guess also because I have no choice since they are obviously not interested. They have both been active online daily as well. I like your idea about just canceling my internet profile and I am thinking about seeing what speed dating has to offer and learning to meet people in person. Another interesting thought on how internet dating has affected me is that I have forgotten simple ways to meet men in my daily life.

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