Protected: Audiobook of the Top 20 Love Tips from ‘The Tao of Dating’
Categories: Dating for Women
Category: Dating for Women
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Interview with Andrea Syrtash: 10 Tips for Healthy Relationships
Recently, I had the chance to sit down with my friend and colleague Andrea Syrtash. She’s written several books on dating and relationships, including He’s Just Not Your Type (and That’s a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It, which readers give a solid 4.5/5.0 stars on Amazon, and Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband). She’s appeared in lots of prominent media outlets, including hosting ON Dating on NBC Digital and her own show on the Oprah Winfrey Network Canada. That’s not just why you should listen to her, however. You should listen to her because what she says makes a lot of sense and, with slightly different wording, echoes all the stuff I’ve been saying for years. And if a definition of ‘brilliant’ is ‘someone who thinks just like me’, then by golly the girl’s brilliant. Also, she’s Canadian, and Canadians rock.More seriously, she does have some great tips on how to get and maintain a great relationship from the perspective of a married female, which is different from single dude. And since I usually talk about the dating and courtship part, what she has to say in the realm of relationships is eminently complementary to my teachings. In this audio recording of our interview, Andrea shares her top 10 tips for having a happier, healthier love life. Click on the link below to listen to this audio (40min, 18.2 Mb) or stick it on your MP3 player. Summary of the 10 tips is below:
AndreaSyrtash_10LoveLifeTips_DrAliBinazir (more…)
Categories: Dating for Women -
Six Free, Honest and Natural Things That Make Women Irresistibly Sexy
There are two kinds of things that make a woman sexier in this world: the stuff that costs money, and the stuff that doesn’t. The former work by altering your physical appearance so you seem sexier and more attractive, even though the redness of your lips, the rosiness of your cheeks and the size of your eyes hasn’t fundamentally changed. In a sense, these physical enhancements are dishonest, since they’re a misrepresentation of what’s underlying.
The second category of things that make you sexier are free, natural and honest, and work with what your mama gave you. Because I’m here to tell you that what your mama gave you is (more…)
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For a great time, keep these two body parts open
Recently I came back from a stay in Europe, where several of my friends were generous enough to host me. As an extra perk of these visits, I got to know these friends a lot better.
After hearing the stories of their romantic woes, I realized that to have a fulfilling love life, there are two body parts that you need to be sure to keep open. No, it’s not the right leg and left leg, although those are important, too. It’s your eyes and your heart.
What do I mean by keeping your eyes open? It means that you exercise discernment. You’re looking closely to see if this person would make a good match for you. Is she sweet? Is he gainfully employed? Educated? Good family? Mentally stable? In good health? If you’re interested in a long-term match, these factors really matter when selecting a partner.
At the same time, you want to keep your (more…)
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Mailbag: On handling players, touchy questions & how to ask a guy out
Well well well. After that last ‘Mailbag, Uncensored’ piece that I sent out, I found myself inundated by your letters. Deluged. Flooded. Well, to the extent that bits and bytes can flood an office, that is. Still relatively dry around here.
Now, of the dozens of letters I got, not one of them adhered to the length guidelines of 5-10 lines. Novellas and full-length sagas all around.
People! The story doesn’t have to begin in the 5th grade, when little Johnny teased you about your frilly pink shoes and you’re still not over it. Summarize. When you put in the effort to summarize the situation, you actually figure out a lot about what’s going on, what matters and what doesn’t. Otherwise you’re just putting all the onus of figuring out the situation on me, which is not helpful. Same with the perennial “What should I do?” non-question.
So the new guidelines: explain your situation and formulate your specific question in 250 words or less. Otherwise there’s no human way for me to get to all of them. Awright, let’s start: (more…)
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The Mailbag: On unavailable men, heartache as creative inspiration, cheating, neediness and timing
I get a lot of letters from you guys (and by ‘guys’, I mean ladies). And if you’ve ever written to me, you know that I almost always write back — unless your letter is 5 feet long, riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes or internet-speak (bcuz it makes U look like a doofus, that’s Y, and I got no time for doofi), or if you don’t put a space after commas and periods, making your letter look like money transfer spam (“My name is Hamilton Adeyemi,from great city of Abuja.I give you 5 trillion$.Please give bank account.”). See? No space after a comma is just Sketchville.
But usually, I write back. If I don’t answer your question directly, I’ll ask for clarification, such as “Um, there actually wasn’t a question in there – what did you want to ask about?” Some of the really good ones I turn into blog articles. Anonymized, of course.
But you know what? That can take forever, especially when the perfectionist streak in me wins out and says Oh, it has to be really good, otherwise I can’t put it up.
As an antidote to this perfectionism, I’m going to put in this post a bunch of mostly unedited, unfiltered exchanges with you, my dear readers. (more…)
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Accessing your own bottomless well of beauty: a personal account
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a yoga festival conveniently located right down the street from me in Santa Monica. On the first day of this Tadasana Festival, the co-founder (and yoga instructor) Tommy Rosen was conducting a provocatively titled class – Getting High: Yoga and the Infinite Pharmacy Within.
Well then. Lord knows this happiness engineer isn’t one to pass up a non-pharmacological psychedelic experience, so I was in, baby. What transpired was novel, literally electrifying, completely unexpected, and potentially transformative.
In my 12 years of yoga practice, I had never experienced (more…)
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Perfectionism as a disease
“Hi Dr. Ali,
I enjoyed your article in HuffPost and reading through your blog. I am a 29yo woman with very little (basically no) dating experience. To provide you context, I received a BS in engineering and MBA, both from Ivy League institutions.
I would say over the past 2-3 years, I have tried to be more open, vulnerable, and transparent when I go on dates. I am by no means perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. I worry however, that the areas in my life in which I am a ‘damsel in distress’ aren’t particularly feminine. I’m a horrible (more…)Tags: how to get muddy, perfectionism -
The near side and far side of women’s sexual power
Here’s a great letter from a reader:
“I just read ‘Orchid Ice Cream’ and have a question. How do you balance the ‘I love sex but I am not a slut’ with a man’s need to be the pursuer and feel like he has won a prize? We all know if it is too easy, he loses interest. And yet, for those of us who love sex as much as any guy, saying “no” can feel like just so much game playing. So how to balance all this, especially if we are reasonably sure he is still having sex with other women as well?” – Dr Judi Bloom
That, Dr Judi, is a fantastic question, because it’s about that ever-elusive ideal: balance. And if the Tao is about anything at all, it is balance: between light and dark, masculine and feminine, high and low, excess and lack, privation and indulgence.
In the Tao of Dating for Women, I offer a simple rule: you should only have sex with a man for the first time when you really want to. The corollary to that is that you shouldn’t not have sex when you really want to have it, either. How to balance the two?
Let’s introduce you to an idea which I’ll call (more…)
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Six Dangers of Online Dating
Let it be known: I am not a big fan of online dating. Yes, at least one of my best friends found her fabulous fiancé online. And if you live in a small town, or fit a specific demographic (e.g. woman over 45, ultra-busy businessperson, sugar daddy, sneaking around your spouse), online dating may expand opportunities for you. But for the rest of us, we’re much better off meeting real live humans eye-to-eye the way nature intended. Here are six reasons why:
1. It’s easy to be fooled by inaccurate signals online.
Do you think you’re beautiful?
What most people call ‘beauty’ is actually evolution’s very thorough system of broadcasting our suitability as mates. Clear skin, good posture, broad shoulders, sonorous voice, bright eyes, shiny hair, graceful movements, pleasant aroma, facial symmetry, articulate speech: evolution has engineered features such as these into us to signal (more…)
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How to be more charismatic: Interview with Olivia Fox Cabane, 26 March 2012
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: I have a special treat for you. My friend and colleague Olivia Fox Cabane, speaker and trainer to corporations (eg Google), universities (eg MIT and Harvard) and governments worldwide, is coming out on March 28 with her long-awaited new book, The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. It’s a manual on how to be even more charismatic (since all of you are already such charming devils, obviously).
As a personal favor, I have wrangled her into giving us an interview on the key principles in her book. I’ll be doing the interview this Monday, 26 March 2012. Here’s the information:
- Date: Monday, 26 March 2012, 6pm PDT/9pm EDT/2am London/6am Dubai/12 noon Sydney
- Call-in number: +1 218 862 1300
- Access code: 667202
- Duration: 40min interview, 15min Q&A
Why do you want to attend this call live? Because I’ve seen Olivia speak many times, and I can attest firsthand to the power of her teachings. Charisma can be learned, and quickly — and there aren’t a lot of people better at teaching it than Olivia. Now that she’s not jetting off to train some South American head of state and we have her all to ourselves, you definitely want to be on the call live so you can ask her your burning questions about how to present yourself even more effectively. Ideally, you would read the book beforehand so you can ask the deep questions that usually only the El Presidentes paying her megabucks get to ask.
Some of what we’ll be covering:
- Is charisma innate, learned or a little bit of both?
- The three components of charisma and how to dial each one up or down to be like Colin Powell, Bill Gates or the Dalai Lama
- Which type of charisma to use for a given situation
- Three ways to increase your charisma pretty much instantly
- Side effects and dangers (?) of charisma
Here’s a little sampler from one of her talks on a related topic:
There’s no charge for any of this, so feel free to spread the word and tell your friends about it — they’ll thank you for it.
See you there and then
Dr Ali B
PS: It is now the day after the interview, which means it already happened – and now we have a recording. I was unexpectedly on the road away from my studio equipment, so the quality of my voice is so-so. But Olivia comes through great, and that’s who you wanted to listen to anyway, so here ya go:
Interview with Olivia Fox Cabane on her new book ‘The Charisma Myth’
Right-click to download full interview with Olivia Fox Cabane on The Charisma Myth (20mb, 55min)
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Your Friend, the Penis: A User’s Manual
It has come to my attention that many women, even those who are big fans of the penis, don’t know much about it. Well into their thirties and beyond, they are unfamiliar with its workings, temperaments, likes and dislikes. Not you, of course. But a significant number nonetheless.
This is not entirely unexpected. There’s not a whole lot of effective sex education that goes on in most countries. Porn movies are terrible teachers. And people think like they think about driving: everyone imagines themselves to be (more…)
Categories: Dating for Women Sexuality