Latest Blog Posts:
  • Interview with Dr Dean Ornish: 4 unconventional tips for staying healthy through the holidays and beyond

    Not only is Dr Dean Ornish one of the pioneers of preventive medicine and wellness, but he’s also one of my personal heroes. His most recent book is entitled The Spectrum: A Scientifically Proven Program to Feel Better, Live Longer, Lose Weight and Gain Health. This week I had the pleasure of sitting down with him at his waterfront office at the Preventive Medicine Research Institute in Sausalito, California, amidst all of his books, diplomas and pictures with Presidents. Dr Ornish shared with me four unconventional yet potent wellness tips for keeping happy and healthy during the holidays and far beyond.

    1. Connect.

    “The holidays are about connection. The book I wrote before The Spectrum was called Love and Survival: 8 Pathways to Intimacy and Health. People who are lonely and isolated are 3 to 10 times more likely to die prematurely than people who are in a community.

    One of the reasons why people get depressed during the holidays is because (more…)

  • Interview with Andrea Syrtash: 10 Tips for Healthy Relationships

    CoachRecently, I had the chance to sit down with my friend and colleague Andrea Syrtash. She’s written several books on dating and relationships, including He’s Just Not Your Type (and That’s a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It, which readers give a solid 4.5/5.0 stars on Amazon, and Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband). She’s appeared in lots of prominent media outlets, including hosting ON Dating on NBC Digital and her own show on the Oprah Winfrey Network Canada. That’s not just why you should listen to her, however. You should listen to her because what she says makes a lot of sense and, with slightly different wording, echoes all the stuff I’ve been saying for years. And if a definition of ‘brilliant’ is ‘someone who thinks just like me’, then by golly the girl’s brilliant. Also, she’s Canadian, and Canadians rock.

    More seriously, she does have some great tips on how to get and maintain a great relationship from the perspective of a married female, which is different from single dude. And since I usually talk about the dating and courtship part, what she has to say in the realm of relationships is eminently complementary to my teachings. In this audio recording of our interview, Andrea shares her top 10 tips for having a happier, healthier love life. Click on the link below to listen to this audio (40min, 18.2 Mb) or stick it on your MP3 player. Summary of the 10 tips is below:

    AndreaSyrtash_10LoveLifeTips_DrAliBinazir (more…)

  • Six Free, Honest and Natural Things That Make Women Irresistibly Sexy

    There are two kinds of things that make a woman sexier in this world: the stuff that costs money, and the stuff that doesn’t. The former work by altering your physical appearance so you seem sexier and more attractive, even though the redness of your lips, the rosiness of your cheeks and the size of your eyes hasn’t fundamentally changed. In a sense, these physical enhancements are dishonest, since they’re a misrepresentation of what’s underlying.

    The second category of things that make you sexier are free, natural and honest, and work with what your mama gave you. Because I’m here to tell you that what your mama gave you is (more…)

  • ‘God’s Hotel’ by Victoria Sweet: A profoundly human book

    A book that can delight you through its entertainments or instruct you with useful knowledge is a good book; one that does both is a great book. Rarely, a book comes along that not only instructs and delights but also deepens your humanity, carving out extra space inside us to carry even more compassion. God’s Hotel by Victoria Sweet is such a book. [A hat-tip to Jesse Kornbluth of Head Butler for introducing me to it.]

    There were many reasons I enjoyed this book, which is really many books at once:

    1) The author, Dr Victoria Sweet, who has a PhD in medieval history as well as an MD, shares the ancient Latin and Greek etymologies of many terms used in patient care today. Hospitality, community, charity – what do they really mean? Through her stories about her time taking care of patients, Dr Sweet shows how those formed the three foundational principles of Laguna Honda Hospital.

    Hospital comes from hospitality, the root of which is hospes, which means both ‘guest’ or ‘host’. This is how Sweet explains this:

    The essence of hospitality — hospes — is that guest and host are identical, if not in this moment, then at some moment. Whatever our current role, it was temporary. With time and the seasons, a host goes traveling and becomes a guest; a guest returns home and becomes a host. That is what the word hospitality encodes. And in a hospital, the meaning of that interchangeability is even more profound, because in the hospital, every host will for sure become a guest; every doctor, a patient.

    Community has two derivations: one from Latin munio meaning wall, so it means “to build a wall around”. It also comes from munis, gift, so it also means “those who share a gift in common”:

    That was true of the hospital’s community, too, though it was not as obvious as the wall. At the Teals’ wedding, when I saw almost all of Laguna Honda pouring into that church, sitting rapt during their vows, and, yes, even crying, I understood that it wasn’t only me who was interested in the Teals, who made time, who was touched by them. Almost everyone was there; the wedding was a gift we shared in common, and that sharing made us a community.

    As for charity:

    Charity came into the West when Saint Jerome translated the Greek word agape by the Latin caritas, which became the English charity. Today agape is usually translated as love, but agape was more nuanced; in ancient Greek it meant “to treat with affectionate regard.” Caritas, charity, is closer because the root of caritas is cara — “dear” — as in expensive and cherished. So caritas has the sense of “dearness” — of a love that is precious and sweet.

    2) Dr Sweet interweaves the account of her doctoral research on Hildegard von Bingen and premodern medicine in the story. This is delighteful stuff, because it’s not taught in medical schools at all, even though it was the basis of Western medicine for two thousand years.

    Von Bingen was the original 11th century superwoman: head cleric, builder, farmer, physician, author and composer at a time when women weren’t allowed much power at all. Hildegard believed in viriditas — the greenness of living things and their ability to grow. Get the blocks out of the way, and a patient’s own viriditas would take over and he’d heal. Dr Sweet applies some of the premodern principles from von Bingen’s healing framework to her patients, most memorably one with the worst bedsore she had ever seen that went all the way to the patient’s spine. The results are well-nigh miraculous.

    3) Dr Sweet describes in great detail and without spite the encroachment of modern medicine with its “efficiencies” into the cozy, personable and strangely effective ways of Laguna Honda, even though there is much to provoke the reader’s dismay. The personal, health and financial consequences of cost-cutting, both on patients and staff, turn out to be much higher than the dollars that those measures purport to save. It’s a cautionary tale about what medicine can be vs. what it has become, and should be required reading for every medical student.

    4) And most of all, the stories of the patients. Laguna Honda being a hospital for the care of the indigent – the last almshouse in the US – its patients are people that the good life left behind. The poor, the mentally ill, the unlucky, those with nowhere else to go: these are the patients that Laguna Honda treats equally and without prejudice. Sometimes the patient goes to the brink of death, the ‘anima’ already halfway in ascent, and turns back. Other times, the patients make miraculous recoveries only to succumb to alcohol or neglect once discharged. These case histories are at once invigorating, enlightening, infuriating and heartbreaking. They are the human heart of the book.

    This may also be a book the likes of which will never get written again. Why? Because nobody has the luxury of observing a patient over weeks, months and years as that patient’s debilitating bedsore, cirrhosis or dementia heals millimeter by millimeter. There are few structures in the US that support that kind of patient care. This is a book about slow medicine, which is rapidly going out of fashion these days.

    One of the side effects of reading any book is to become partially imbued with the spirit of its author. Reading God’s Hotel, you get a sense that Dr Victoria Sweet is a deeply thoughtful and compassionate person, and one of the very best kind of caregivers one could hope to have. As a result, this book will not only delight and instruct you, but is also likely to leave you a better human being.

  • For a great time, keep these two body parts open

    Recently I came back from a stay in Europe, where several of my friends were generous enough to host me. As an extra perk of these visits, I got to know these friends a lot better.

    After hearing the stories of their romantic woes, I realized that to have a fulfilling love life, there are two body parts that you need to be sure to keep open. No, it’s not the right leg and left leg, although those are important, too. It’s your eyes and your heart.

    What do I mean by keeping your eyes open? It means that you exercise discernment. You’re looking closely to see if this person would make a good match for you. Is she sweet? Is he gainfully employed? Educated? Good family? Mentally stable? In good health? If you’re interested in a long-term match, these factors really matter when selecting a partner.

    At the same time, you want to keep your (more…)

  • The Compassionate Brain by Dr Rick Hanson and some superstars of neuroscience

    I have some excellent news for you. There is this free online seminar series that you should take advantage of. It’s called:

    Rick Hanson’s The Compassionate Brain – Free Video Seminar Series

    I’m really excited about this one, and every one of you should sign up for it. Why? Because it’s being put on by renowned psychologist and author Dr Rick Hanson, author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. And he has assembled an all-star cast of speakers on the topic of ‘The Compassionate Brain’. If you don’t know who all of them are yet, that’s okay – I don’t either. But the few that I do know are teachers so wise and so inspiring that just an hour with them can change the course of your whole life: (more…)

  • How much excess is enough?

    A couple of days ago I went to the Albert Cuyp street market in Amsterdam. They have a great selection of fresh produce, including all kinds of tropical fruits that have no business being in northern Europe. But there they were, so I got a bunch of mangoes and pineapples for less than a song.

    I peeled and chopped up both fruits and took my time to thoroughly appreciate their fresh, juicy, sticky goodness. The pile of pineapple was on top, so I had some of that first.  Mmmhmmmm. As I slowly bit into each piece, the little stacks of wet, sugar-impregnated pineapple fibers yielded to the pressure of my teeth, releasing their inner nectar. Ripe, flavorful, luscious. How could the universe improve upon that perfection?

    After a few chunks of pineapple, it was time for the mango. This ripe mango was a deep shade of yellow, and had a texture like lightly-sauteed foie gras – so barely-solid as to be almost liquid, waiting for the tiniest provocation to release itself into an (more…)

  • Taoism in three simple concepts

    It must have happened to you hundreds of times.

    There you are at a cocktail party, holding a mojito in one hand and holding forth on everything and nothing with the other, eliciting nods and knowing chuckles from your audience. You look good. Life is good. Then someone asks out of the blue, “So what the hell is this whole Taoism thing about?”

    Aw man. Not that again. I mean, is it Taoism with a T, or Daoism with a D? And what’s that yin-yang symbol thingie anyway? Not your area of your expertise, not your bowl of porridge, not in your wheelhouse. End of your cocktail party mojo.

    This is a pretty common condition, as I recently found out. A friend who was intrigued by Eastern philosophy but hadn’t the occasion to study it yet asked me what Taoism was all about. Mojito in hand, three basic principles came to mind which I thought you would find useful as a quick introduction, so you’re properly armed for next time it comes up:

    First concept: No-Name

    The first is the no-name principle. The Tao Te Ching opens:

    The tao that can be named
    Is not the eternal Tao.
    The name that can be named
    Is not the eternal Name.
    The unnamable is the eternally real.
    Naming is the origin of all particular things.

    What is true and real has no name. Once you step outside of the Earth’s eggshell-thin atmosphere into outer space, you reside in the nameless vast. It’s just there. No name tags, no labels, no logos, no brands, no rank. So anytime you see a name or label, it’s not real. And we’re not just talking about (more…)

  • Mailbag: On handling players, touchy questions & how to ask a guy out

    Well well well. After that last ‘Mailbag, Uncensored’ piece that I sent out, I found myself inundated by your letters. Deluged. Flooded. Well, to the extent that bits and bytes can flood an office, that is. Still relatively dry around here.

    Now, of the dozens of letters I got, not one of them adhered to the length guidelines of 5-10 lines. Novellas and full-length sagas all around.

    People! The story doesn’t have to begin in the 5th grade, when little Johnny teased you about your frilly pink shoes and you’re still not over it. Summarize. When you put in the effort to summarize the situation, you actually figure out a lot about what’s going on, what matters and what doesn’t. Otherwise you’re just putting all the onus of figuring out the situation on me, which is not helpful. Same with the perennial “What should I do?” non-question.

    So the new guidelines: explain your situation and formulate your specific question in 250 words or less. Otherwise there’s no human way for me to get to all of them.  Awright, let’s start: (more…)

  • The Mailbag: On unavailable men, heartache as creative inspiration, cheating, neediness and timing

    I get a lot of letters from you guys (and by ‘guys’, I mean ladies). And if you’ve ever written to me, you know that I almost always write back — unless your letter is 5 feet long, riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes or internet-speak (bcuz it makes U look like a doofus, that’s Y, and I got no time for doofi), or if you don’t put a space after commas and periods, making your letter look like money transfer spam (“My name is Hamilton Adeyemi,from great city of Abuja.I give you 5 trillion$.Please give bank account.”). See? No space after a comma is just Sketchville.

    But usually, I write back. If I don’t answer your question directly, I’ll ask for clarification, such as “Um, there actually wasn’t a question in there – what did you want to ask about?” Some of the really good ones I turn into blog articles. Anonymized, of course.

    But you know what? That can take forever, especially when the perfectionist streak in me wins out and says Oh, it has to be really good, otherwise I can’t put it up.

    As an antidote to this perfectionism, I’m going to put in this post a bunch of mostly unedited, unfiltered exchanges with you, my dear readers. (more…)

  • How to get over a breakup

    This month, no fewer than three of my friends have pressed me into service as a breakup counselor. And if three of them are actually telling me about it, that means there are another 300 out there who are not.

    So in the interest of helping out all of those suffering in silence now or in the future, I’m compiling a list of interventions that many have found useful in handling such matters of the heart. Let’s start with the non-negotiable one first:

    1) Break contact completely.

    We’ve all heard of drugged-out celebrities going to rehab, but ever wonder what actually happens there? The first thing rehab does is to keep the patient away from his drug of choice. His brain’s been so lit up by his habit that neuronal receptors for the drug are now screaming for another fix like a million hungry chicks.

    Well, your ex-lover operates on your brain just like that drug, so now you need to detox, too. You need to give your (more…)

  • Partial Continuous Ecstasy: how to reside in bliss around the clock

    I want you to stop what you’re doing right now and really pay attention to… your breath.

    Slow down your breath, and make an effort to feel the air as it enters your nose.

    Maybe even pinpoint a particular molecule of air, and follow its path as you feel it move along your airways, as you become conscious of every part of your body it touches.

    First, feel it slide into your nostril. Then, slowly, it caresses the inside of your nasal passages, up and over into the back of your throat, down into your trachea. Slowly now – become aware of and really feel every little bit of your airways that it touches.

    Now it’s going down into a bronchus, a bronchiole, all the way into your lung, into an airsac. Feel it moving through all of these parts of you, as if it’s all lined with plush velvet, and the molecule of air is sliding its hand along the (more…)

  • The book reviewer vs the autograph-seeker: the secret to consistent success with women

    I like books. A lot. So I go to book readings whenever a good one pops up in the neighborhood.

    Now book signings have straightforward protocols. You find a seat. You listen to the author talk about his book. Then you buy a copy, stand in line, and get 14.8 seconds with the author while he scrawls your name in there – make sure you have the yellow sticky note lest ‘Ali’ become ‘Holly’ – and autographs it.

    Considering how authors create some of the longest-lasting artifacts of a culture, hey, they deserve to have groupies. And it’s fun to be a little starstruck by Michael Chabon, James Watson or Oliver Sacks. And it’s not like these people get recognized on the street, so it must be fun for them to feel like a celebrity for a half hour, until they walk out of Barnes & Noble bookstore back into relative anonymity.

    But let’s make things clear here: when you’re the autograph-seeker, you’re in the position of the (more…)

  • Accessing your own bottomless well of beauty: a personal account

    A couple of weeks ago, I attended a yoga festival conveniently located right down the street from me in Santa Monica. On the first day of this Tadasana Festival, the co-founder (and yoga instructor) Tommy Rosen was conducting a provocatively titled class – Getting High: Yoga and the Infinite Pharmacy Within.

    Well then. Lord knows this happiness engineer isn’t one to pass up a non-pharmacological psychedelic experience, so I was in, baby. What transpired was novel, literally electrifying, completely unexpected, and potentially transformative.

    In my 12 years of yoga practice, I had never experienced (more…)

  • Happiness Engineering: 3.5 ways to boost your mood instantly

    A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to speak at a friend’s monthly event. It’s a casual, friendly series of informal talks modeled after the TED Conferences, so he calls them FRED Talks (y’know — like a friendly TED). Oh, and you only get 5min to speak.

    Now, by now you may have gathered that, unless I’m underwater, I have a lot more to say than just 5min. So what could I possibly convey to this attentive crowd in 5min that’s potentially life-changing?

    Ah yes — happiness engineering. In those 5min, I taught 3 exercises to the audience, each taking less than a minute to do, which measurably boosted their mood. And in the extra minute, I managed to squeeze in another exercise.

    Increasing happiness and engineering it in our daily lives is a topic I’ve been studying for several years now. In fact, you could say it’s the main focus of the Tao of Dating books for men and women. So expect a lot more on this topic coming from me in the near future.

    And now, the video. If you find it useful, make sure you ‘Like’ it on YouTube, leave a comment so I know you’re alive, and share it with your friends via Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, smoke signal and carrier pigeon. Thanks!

     

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