Latest Blog Posts:

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Miles to go before I sleep’

    AB: Another frank, spirited post from The Phoenix.  It’s not all rosy-colored out there… Comments below.

    I can’t sleep. It’s 5:41 am, and I am WIDE awake. After 3 failed attempts at sleep, I have actually accomplished quite a few random tasks that needed to be done (bills paid, applications filled out, etc).

    Then I start doing the WORST possible thing I can do at 5am. Unblocking the random people I worked so hard to block on a damn social networking site. Good grief. How old am I??? YOU ARE IN YOUR THIRTIES…not 13. This type of behavior reminds me of when my cousin used to make me go with her when she would drive by her crushes house periodically. It’s the equivalent of stalking, just digitally.

    AB: Perhaps the social networking sites should be excised as part of the fast.  You didn’t have them in 2003, and your life was fine then.  I’d start with a 1-week holiday.

    The Doctor asked me what I meant by my txt today, and it lead to a reasonably uncomfortable (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘More man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever have!’

    AB: Phoenix cracks me up.  My comments in italics, per custom.

    I laugh every time I think about that quote. Probably since it was said by a drag queen character in the movie “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”. But I can recall thinking or saying that referring to myself at several points throughout my life.

    I am a very girlie girl. But I am also a very athletic and adventurous woman. I ride my own motorcycle, I have traveled the world solo, and I actually own 3 different types of saws. I often joke that one of the prerequisites to dating me is that I have to feel confident that if we were walking down a dark alley, my date would be the one who would be better suited to defend us than I would. That and he has to have bigger legs than I do ;)

    Perhaps that is why I may be more drawn to the stereotypical Manly Men. Looking at the last few prospects (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Caution: Construction Zone’

    AB: This is The Phoenix’s follow-up from the date with the Helmeted Hottie (aka Motorcycle Man).  My comments in italics.

    Easy girl. Don’t get too excited just yet. Yes, the date went great and he’s even better looking in person….and the conversation was really good…and he seems to be on the same page….BUT IT’S A FIRST DATE.

    ***now would be a good time for that meditation***

    So the Helmeted Hottie was really great. Better than expected. Granted, he may not be (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Get your motor running’

    The Phoenix rides again — this time almost literally. My comments in italics.-AB

    So I’ve probably read more of the Tao this weekend than I should have in one sitting. I got to the point where I couldn’t just stop, so I ended up reading several chapters. However, that play by play will have to wait.

    Right now, I am sitting on my couch, dressed and ready to go meet a new prospect. I haven’t gotten to the part of the Tao that tells me whether or not online dating is a good or a bad thing, so I figure (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘The Doctor’

    The Phoenix rides again. See my comment at the end.– AB

    I can’t sleep.

    That’s pretty normal for me though.  I have a lot on my mind lately.  Work, life, food (a la cleanse = lack of), etc.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  There is Fate, but it generally falls into the overall plan.

    Tonight I went to Yoga to fulfill my twice a week goal.  I hate going to the gym at night since it’s packed…mostly with women with full on club make-up and with more intention of being picked up (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘Absence makes the heart wander’

    The Phoenix has a new entry up.  I’m so proud of her!  She’s really putting the material to use.  It was my goal to present the material in the book in such a way that the readers would actually implement it, so it’s tremendously gratifying when someone does that.  My hope is that these blog posts can be a catalyst for you, my dear reader sitting at her computer screen, to put the material to use as well.

    My comments will be in italics henceforth.

    Chapter 2: Who You Really Are

    I read this chapter by candlelight while soaking in my tub last Thursday evening. It made such an impact that I have taken a week to marinate in the thoughts and the emotions that those thoughts stirred. I was already coping with the realization that it may not be the men in LA that are the problem, but the problem may just lie (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘So it begins — Chapter 1’

    The Phoenix speaks again:

    “First impressions: Sinking gut. That lead weight feeling you get when you know you’ve really messed something up. As I read the “Introduction I couldn’t skip” I felt a wave of self pity wash over me. I was these women Dr. Alex was describing.

    I had flashbacks to my last blog joking about my wild attraction to guys without jobs or enough money to even take me out on a decent date…it really isn’t all that funny. I do want a “Good Guy”. As I read the description of what I want aka The Good Guy (strong internal compass, leader, comfortable in his own skin, knows what he wants, etc) I could hear my inner optimist screaming, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”, but once I finished the paragraph my inner pessimist chimed in with, “pshaw, yeah right…not in LA.”

    “When you chase anything in life, you are affirming (more…)

  • Tao of Dating Experiment: ‘The Brazilian’

    This is the second installment of Phoenix’s Tao of Dating experiment:

    I had lunch with the Brazilian today. He called around 11am just as I was about to head out the door to grab lunch in Santa Monica. “Sure, I’ll meet you for lunch”.

    We met sometime last summer on a popular dating website. He was great looking, successful, intelligent…but fresh out of a failed marriage (about a year and a half fresh). We shared a love of adventure, extreme sports, and were both confessed gear whores. (Is there such a thing as REI anonymous?) (more…)

  • Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating – comment

    This is a great point, and a challenge particular to all the smart women out there. It’s a little bit like the issue tall women experience: many guys are simply uncomfortable being shorter than their mate. The fact is that the tall women themselves aren’t usually hung up on that — it’s the guys who take themselves out of the running. In the end, the guy you want to be with will be so comfortable in his own skin such that all this will be a non-issue.
    More on Relationships
    Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

  • Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating – comment

    Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of ‘Eat Pray Love’, gave a TED talk about genius which I really liked (www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html). She said that it’s not about *being* a genius, but rather about each of us *having* a genius, in the original Latin sense of the word. There is greatness within each one of us which is worth nurturing. It’s an inclusive and life-affirming message, and one we would do well to propagate.

    The power is within you,
    Dr Alex
    http://www.taoofdating.com
    More on Relationships
    Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

  • Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating

    RHR —

    Please do not ever dumb it down, under any circumstance. There are legions of men who love you because of your eloquence and intellect, and it would be a crime to deprive the world of your gift.

    Settling means giving up what truly matters to you and enriches your life for something that doesn’t. That’s just not a path to fulfillment.

    The point is to be very clear on what really matters — and what doesn’t. Once you start having too many requirements, then you start being in self-imposed loneliness. Practice keeping your heart open just to make sure you remember how, but if there isn’t someone who meets your minimum requirements, then it’s perfectly okay to spend some time with yourself. I mean, you are pretty good company, right?
    More on Relationships
    Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

  • On the Huffington Post: Why smart people have the toughest time dating

    The Tao of Dating is getting ready for prime time with our first article up on The Huffington Post.  Check it out there, and if you like it, Digg it, spread the word via Facebook, and post a comment:

    I have a mini-confession to make: I wrote the Tao of Dating books specifically for really smart people.  The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus, as I observed them as an advisor and earlier, indulged in them as a student.

    Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes — only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.  So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1000 times worse once they’re tossed from the warm womb of alma mater.

    From my observations, the following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people.  In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you’re going to have in your dating life.  Once upon a day I used to be pretty smart, and believe me, I had a lock on clueless.

    On the one hand, this makes no sense.  Smart people can figure stuff out, right?  And this stuff is simple!

    On the other hand, it makes total sense.  For simple things, it takes someone smart to really screw it up…

    Continue here on The Huffington Post.

  • Dating for Men: How to Get MORE Dates by Getting Pickier

    Today I want to talk about how being discriminating in dating can make you more successful in dating.

    Before I start, I want to follow up on the story from the last article about my friend Aaron.

    Remember how when he asked out this really attractive young woman, she immediately reeled off the names of the 4 most expensive restaurants in town?

    Remember how I told you that it was a sign of trouble?

    Well, let me tell you what happened on that date.

    Contrary to my advice, my friend Aaron agreed to go on the date.  And also agreed to go to one of the restaurants she named.

    He also did not use my little formula for turning around the expensive taste of the young lady on herself by saying something like this: (more…)

  • Why the smartest people have the toughest time dating

    I have a mini-confession to make: I wrote the Tao of Dating books specifically for really smart people (both women and men).  The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus, as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, wallowed in them as a student.

    Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes — only now with fewer single people around living in the same building and sharing meals with them every day.  So if they had challenges then, it gets about 1000 times worse once they’re expelled from the warm womb of alma mater.

    From my observations, the following dating challenges are common to most smart people.  In fact, the smarter you are, the more clueless you will be, and the more problems you’re going to have in your dating life.

    On the one hand, this makes (more…)

  • Dating: Why dinner dates suck as a first date

    Earlier this week I was having a conversation with a friend about how dinner dates are probably one of the worst ways of getting to know someone.  It’s basic stuff, but well worth repeating, because, well, people seem to keep on having these dinner dates. Much of what I write here concerns the loftier aspects of the self and deep connection and all that good stuff.  At the same time, remember that this real-world stuff about where the pogo stick hits the asphalt matters, too.

    So let me make it clear: if a couple got together after a first date that involved dinner, it happened in spite of the date, not because of it.  You heard it here first.  Here are some reasons why.

    1) The seating arrangement promotes discomfort.

    Think about it: at what other time in your life are you face-to-face with a stranger (more…)

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