The near side and far side of women’s sexual power
Here’s a great letter from a reader:
“I just read ‘Orchid Ice Cream’ and have a question. How do you balance the ‘I love sex but I am not a slut’ with a man’s need to be the pursuer and feel like he has won a prize? We all know if it is too easy, he loses interest. And yet, for those of us who love sex as much as any guy, saying “no” can feel like just so much game playing. So how to balance all this, especially if we are reasonably sure he is still having sex with other women as well?” – Dr Judi Bloom
That, Dr Judi, is a fantastic question, because it’s about that ever-elusive ideal: balance. And if the Tao is about anything at all, it is balance: between light and dark, masculine and feminine, high and low, excess and lack, privation and indulgence.
In the Tao of Dating for Women, I offer a simple rule: you should only have sex with a man for the first time when you really want to. The corollary to that is that you shouldn’t not have sex when you really want to have it, either. How to balance the two?
Let’s introduce you to an idea which I’ll call (more…)
How to stand up to the media’s disrespect of women
A few days ago, Ashley Judd responded to some ungracious comments in the media about her “puffy face”. Her article is so eloquent, reasoned and right on that every woman and man should read it. Here’s how it starts:
“The Conversation about women’s bodies exists largely outside of us, while it is also directed at (and marketed to) us, and used to define and control us. The Conversation about women happens everywhere, publicly and privately. We are described and detailed, our faces and bodies analyzed and picked apart, our worth ascertained and ascribed based on the reduction of personhood to simple physical objectification. Our voices, our personhood, our potential, and our accomplishments are regularly minimized and muted… ” Continue reading here
On amplifying your femininity
Hi Dr. Ali, I just listened to your interview with Orna and Matthew Walters. I’m currently separated from my husband and looking for ways to become a more ‘surrendered wife’ and totally sink into my femininity. Do you have any books or resources you would recommend to help me with that?
We have had the modern 50/50 type relationship and our polarity is totally flat lined. We are both willing to put in the work and uncover our natural sexual essences (we’re reading David Deida’s book), and I’m just wanting to do my part to my best ability.
I would greatly appreciate your input. Thank you! — Heather M.
Y’know, it’s always a little awkward for me when women ask me for tips on how to be more feminine. Gladly! While we’re at it, let me teach some hawks how to fly better, and give some dolphins swimming tips.
At the same time, I do know what I like, and I have noticed differences between a woman who is super-feminine and one who has not quite mastered that energy.
So, for starters, I’m going to refer you to a book: The Sensuous Woman by J. It’s written by a woman in her late 30s-early 40s, of average looks and figure by her own admission, who somehow has every man wrapped around her finger. She does it by being deeply sensual — taking pleasure in the exercise of her 5 senses. Super-quick read. If you can get past some of the dated references, there’s some gold in them thar pages.
If you want to take it to the next level, get Slow Sex by Nicole Daedone. This book treats the root cause instead of giving you Band-Aid solutions. Watch the video of her I put up on the blog, and learn the technique.
As for pointers from this here guy: start wearing more skirts and dresses if you aren’t already. It’s funny how clothing can just snap you right into one state of mind vs another. If you were wearing a suit at work, change into (more…)
