Category: Audio

  • Matthieu Ricard on Altruism and Loving-Kindness (audio)

    Last week, I saw Matthieu Ricard give a talk about his new book Altruism: The Power of Compassion to Change You and the World (hardcover, ebook and audiobook) in an event hosted by Soren Gordhamer and Wisdom 2.0. Ricard is an interesting fellow. After finishing his doctorate in molecular genetics in 1972 in the lab of Nobel-winning legend François Jacob, he promptly took off for a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in the mountains of Nepal, where he has resided since. Subsequent to participating in a pioneering study by Richie Davidson from the University of Wisconsin on the effects of meditation on brain physiology, the media dubbed him “the happiest man in the world.”


    You know this is a man grounded in reality because he is quick to refute that label not out of modesty but from the simple fact that all of his fellow monks would do (and have done) equally well on measurements of their brain activity that could result in such a label. My inclination is to think that if you’ve put in the 50,000 hours of meditation that Ricard has, your brain is bound to manifest some unusual phenomena.

    Ricard is an exceptionally lucid and engaging speaker, even in English, which is not his native tongue. In fact, he’s so engaging that I hardly took any notes. Here is some of what he mentioned in his talk:

    • Happiness is not the constant seeking of pleasurable experiences. That can turn out to be quite exhausting.
    • One definition of happiness: not excluding anyone from your heart.
    • Constantly making the world about you — why did this happen to me, why are people mean to me, why am I so unlucky — you create the phenomenon of “the world arising as enemy.”
    • If you find meditation boring, it’s not the fault of the meditation.
    • The word “meditation” itself has little meaning. It’s a bit like saying “training” — what kind of training? Weightlifting? Running? Tennis?
    • In the same way that you can’t expect to play the harpsichord expertly without practice, you can’t expect to be an expert at compassion, altruism, mindfulness, gratitude without practice either.
    • Mindfulness by itself is not enough. You could have a mindful sniper or psychopath. You must add the caring component to it.

    At the request of the moderator, Ricard led us through a 4-part compassion meditation.

    1. First, you project loving-kindness to several people in sequence, from easy-to-love to very difficult.
    2. Then, you wish for a reduction of their suffering. This is the compassion component.
    3. Rejoice in the existence of all the other people also wishing for the reduction of suffering and taking an active part in it.
    4. Make impartial your projection of compassion and loving-kindness to all sentient beings, without preference or special allocation.

    I have adapted that into this 12min audio, which you can listen to here. The clinical effects of loving-kindness meditation on positive affect and psychological health are well-documented. Besides, it feels good. If you do not have a meditation practice yet, you may wish to consider trying this for starters.

    You may download the audio here.

    Ricard is currently touring the US to promote Altruism. He will make two stops in New York City next week — check his event calendar here. I urge you to go see him if you have the opportunity.

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  • Mailbag: On Leaving Toxic Relationships

    Last week, I received a rash of letters about bad relationships. Like, really, really bad relationships. I feel like these kinds of relationships are a little bit like cockroaches: for every one that you see, there are 70 that you don’t. Which makes me dread how many more of you must be in these kinds of relationships without telling me — or anyone else. Speak up! First, let’s get to this first letter here. After responding to all of the “I’m Stuck with Toxic Boy and Don’t Know What to Do” letters personally, I felt this one was representative of the batch:

    Dr Ali, I have been dating a man for the past 9 years on and off. He is 44 years old, divorced and still lives with his mother. He hangs out with his loser friends to smoke weed and drink alcohol. He hardly spends time with me when I confront him about the lack of time. All he tells me is that I complain about it too much and that I need to respect him and give him loyalty.

    His comments make me resent him, so on and off, I block him from my phone. What I heard from an ex is that the times we are not together he was sleeping around and dating other women. In our last break up, he started dating another woman a week after breaking up with me. A month later, he proposed to her and moved in with that woman. He never did anything like that with me.

    What bothers me is that he is trying to get back with me while he is still engaged to the other chick. I still love him but I feel disgusted and used. How do I let go of a loser who gave me crumbs of time?

    Resentfully, Bree

    Oh my. The only thing that’s missing here is “He also just recently got out of jail for a few felony charges and tends to beat me with a baseball bat for sport. And wants me to join his cult.” I mean, we all have different limits of tolerance, but it seems as if (more…)

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  • Replay of Project Irresistible 2014 Session 1

    LADIES — We had Session 1 of Project Irresistible last night, and it was full of powerful information to kickstart your love life and more. There were two stories, 3 readings from Eastern wisdom, 4 mind-expanding exercises and one killer guided meditation to get you in the mood for transformation and reaching your highest, best self.

    Before you download and listen to the first session, I want to share a funny story with you. It turns out that there was a married woman on the preview class the day before. Now, a single woman I can understand. But why would a married woman choose to attend a class on dating? It made no sense! So she explained (note: here is your chance to hear me dumbfounded — I’m told it doesn’t happen nearly enough). Click on the link to hear the 90sec mp3 of what happened:

    Dr Ali’s surprise student

    Pretty unbelievable stuff. And apparently true.

    Anyway, I’ve always made the first session available to the public so you can get a feel for what the course is about, so here it is. Right click on the link to download it, or click to listen to it in your browser:

    Project Irresistible 2014 Session 1 (25Mb, 73min)

    Or, newfangled technology! If you’re on a phone or mobile device or away from your computer somehow, you can dial in and listen to the class. That’s right! Call +1 218 844 3182 and use access code 89633016, and it’ll be just like you’re on the live call.

    The price for the class goes up to $297 from $247 tonight at midnight. You can enroll for the class through Sunday, November 10. After that, the class is only available to registered students. Look forward to catching up with many of you in the class!

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  • Recording of “Compelling People” interview with John Neffinger

    Below is an MP3 recording of the interview I did with John Neffinger, co-author of Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential. Now I’ve known John for a while, so I was able to extract some top tips from his book for your delectation and enrichment. Also, John was kind enough to answer questions for 30 extra minutes, which means this interview is 90 minutes of information-packed usefulness. Some of what we covered:

    • The tug-of-war between how warm we appear and how much strength we project, and how to balance the two
    • Tips for nailing a job interview
    • How warmth and strength figured in the fall and rise of Hillary Clinton’s 2008 Presidential campaign
    • The secret of the powerful smile which projects warmth without diminishing strength
    • The special challenges that race and gender present that make projecting strength tricky
    • Exercises to improve the way you present yourself right now

    Download JohnNeffinger_CompellingPeople1013, stick it on your iPhone or iPod or Android gizmo, and listen to it on your daily drive. Or listen to it using the media player here: 

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  • Interview with Shana James: What women need before they can let you in (audio)

    Gentlemen – Have you had any of the following thoughts or experiences?

    •  You feel alone and disconnected during sex
    •  You put so much attention on making a woman feel good that you lose sight of my own pleasure
    •  You felt the spark fade suddenly while having sex and didn’t know how to get it back
    •  You’ve had “performance anxiety”
    •  You wonder if your skills are up to par or if other guys are better
    •  It’s awkward to transition from having a conversation to being sexual
    •  Women act hot and cold with you and only open to your advances sometimes
    •  You’re confused about why some women light up around you but others don’t
    •  You’ve been getting close to a woman when she suddenly chose another man over you

    If so, you’re not alone. I recently did an hourlong interview with my friend & colleague Shana James on “Sex, Orgasm and Intimacy: What Women Need Before They Can (more…)

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  • Love, Dating & Happiness at Harvard: Ali Binazir at the Harvard Alumni Association

    Love, Dating and Happiness at Harvard
    “Love, Dating and Happiness at Harvard” at the HAA, June 2013

    I gave a 14min talk at a gathering of fellow Harvard alumni in Cambridge in June 2013. Hope you find it useful. (more…)

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  • Pop-Up Teleclass: “How to Be Irresistible” Mon May 27

    Ladies –

    I haven’t had a teleclass for you in a while, so it’s time! I’ve done the “How to Be Irresistible: Love Is in Your Body” workshop live a couple of times, and it was a lot of fun. So now I’m going to do it in teleclass format so all of you who can’t make it to San Francisco can attend. Here’s a sampling of what you’re going to learn:

    • The real power you have in relationships and how to access it
    • The latest research on what love really is, physiologically and neurologically
    • The importance of positive emotions and how to have more of them
    • How to embody love
    • The problem of desire and how to solve it
    • Guided visualizations and meditations to get you feeling these principles in your bones
    This is really more like a highly interactive workshop than me just giving a lecture, so come ready participate and be in a place where you can stand up and move around a little (i.e. not in a car). And yes, I will record it in case you happen to miss it.

    The teleclass will go for about 75 min, with about 15min of Q&A at the end. Here’s the call-in info:

    • WHAT: “How to Be Irresistible” Teleclass
    • WHEN: Mon 27 May 2013, 6pm PT/9pm ET/11am Sydney (on Tue)
    • WHERE: On your phone, when you’re not driving and you’re free to do goofy-looking exercises
    When you sign up, remember to use the 67% off discount code I emailed you! It brings the price down from $75 to $25:

    Catch up with you then and there

    Dr Ali

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  • How to Be Irresistible: Recording of Talk from 5 Feb 2013

    Ladies –

    As promised, I recorded the workshop I gave on 5 Feb in San Francisco. I recorded it 3 separate ways, and 2 of them experienced technical failure. The following is the backup recording of the whole workshop, all 100 minutes. It’s not edited, because I just switched to a Mac from a PC and don’t know how to twiddle with stuff yet, so feel free to fast forward through the slow spots. Some topics I cover:

    • Loving-Kindness Meditation (metta) and the importance of self-love
    • The problem of desire and wanting stuff, and why it’s a Catch-22 — unless you do this one thing
    • The physiology of love and how you can create it on demand, according to the new book Love 2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson
    • And 30min of provocative Q&A
    [audio:|titles=How to Be Irresistible: Love & Dating for Smart Women]

    How to Be Irresistible: Love & Dating for Smart Women (right-click to download – 40 Mb mp3)

    The following are two downloadable mp3s starting at the 50min mark of the talk — right about when I cover the topic of how to be irresistible. The first one is all lecture; the second is all Q&A.


    BeIrresistible_DrAliBinazir_pt1 (right-click to download)


    BeIrresistible_DrAliBinazir_pt2 (right-click to download)

    Hope you find these useful, and feel free to send them on to friends if you feel they would benefit. Give me your feedback in the comments section so I know what works for you.

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  • The Prospective Spouse Checklist: Interview with Isabelle Fox, PhD

    As I understand it, many of you have been married or have considered marriage or come pretty darn close to it.

    Now, with the divorce rate above 50%, it seems like marriage in this country has, at best, a coin flip’s chance at success. That’s just not right in my book.

    And with the very public blowup of celebrity marriages, sometimes you have to think: what the hell were they thinking when they got married? Surely they should’ve known better.  (Read: Katy Perry, Sandra Bullock, the poor sap who married that Kardashian woman, and the procession of simpletons who keep marrying Charlie Sheen).

    In fact, a little secret: I wrote the Tao of Dating books because I saw my friends in crappy relationships (married or not), and I thought they deserved better.

    Now I’m your guy when it comes to dating.  For long-term relationships, on the other hand, I send you to the experts like Dr John Gottman — and Dr Isabelle Fox.

    My friend and colleague Isabelle has been a practicing clinical psychologist for over 30 years. She just published a book entitled (more…)

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  • The Art of Female Orgasm: Tue 21 June teleseminar with Nicole Daedone

    One of the remarkable people I met at the recent TEDx San Francisco was Nicole Daedone, who told me she was the founder of OneTaste.  I wondered: Is OneTaste a Buddhist organization?  Perhaps a new restaurant, with just one item on the menu?

    Well, sort of.  Nicole teaches orgasm meditation (OM), more infamously known as the 15-minute orgasm.  I realized I had already heard of her through Tim Ferriss’s latest book, The Four Hour Body, in which he declares that Nicole’s teachings “should be required learning for all men.”

    It should also be required learning for all women, especially those who are not having enough orgasms.  That’s pretty much all women. I mean, who can argue with more orgasms?  Exactly.

    Depending on how you approach Nicole’s work, you may find it revolutionary, subversive, kinky, spiritual, life-changing or just plain necessary.  Which is why I’d like you to listen to Nicole and decide for yourself.  Her book is Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm. She’s doing a mini-seminar for you guys free of charge, so write this down in your calendar:

    • Date: Tuesday, 21 June 2011
    • Time: 5pm Pacific, 8pm Eastern, 1am London
    • Call-in number: +1 218 862 1300, code 667202
    • Duration: 45min + 15min Q&A

    If you’re a woman, you obviously want to listen to this.  And if you’re a guy and interested in making women happy, you’ll want to listen to this, too.

    Nicole has taught hundreds of men and women, so she’s gleaned deep insights about male-female dynamics.  In fact, my favorite parts of the book are Chapter 6, ‘What Men Should Know About Women’ and Chapter 7, ‘What Women Should Know About Men’ — ten dead-on insights for each one.  I’ll endeavor to share some of those with you over the next week, and I want you to ask her about them during the call.

    Then & there,


    PS: The interview was fantastic!  Here’s the download link for your listening pleasure: Recording of interview with Nicole Daedone on the Art & Craft of Female Orgasm (15Mb)

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    Categories: Audio Sexuality