The dirty secret of goddesses
When I first wrote The Tao of Dating for Women, its subtitle was How to Embrace Your Inner Goddess and Find the Fulfillment You Deserve. Aside from not rolling trippingly off the tongue, I found that many women took issue with the word goddess. Whether it set an impossible standard of perfection or sounded too woo-woo, it just bugged them.
Well, today I had a little epiphany as I was thinking about some good ol’ Greek and Roman mythology. If you’ve read any of that stuff, you’ll know that, far from being perfect, them gods out-imperfected humans only like a deity can. They were petty, outta-control horny, vindictive, greedy, deceptive, cruel and just plain damaged folks. Think Zeus, Aphrodite, Neptune — any of them really — and all the havoc they wrought.
What made them gods and goddesses was (more…)
Tip #3 of 20: You are already a goddess, so feel free to act like one.
Thanks for visiting! I’m eager to hear your thoughts on this tip, so please leave your comment below. The best ones become part of the next edition of “The Best Dating Advice I Ever Got.”
Why it is wise to worship a woman, by Arjuna Ardagh
I was fortunate enough to come across this article by Arjuna Ardagh on the goddess on Huffington Post as I was checking up on my own article there. This is now required reading for all my boys and girls.
Men: this is the highest expression of the unarticulated longing inside your heart for the divine feminine. It’s also the solution to all of your dating woes. If this is how you see women and convey it to them, you will have throngs of goddesses adoring you wherever you go.
Women: this is about you. Realize that you are the goddess right here, right now. Ease into it, live it, breathe it, and radiate it outward. It’s also the solution to all of your dating woes. If you show up as the goddess and gradually lead him into the inner sanctum of your divine feminine, he cannot resist. This is what the whole Tao of Dating program is about.
That said, here’s the beginning of the article. Blog protocol requires that I put up an excerpt and direct you to the original source, so go to it:
“A few days ago, after a particularly exquisite evening with my wife Chameli, I put this post up on Facebook before going to bed:
“I have had many, many great teachers in my life. A super abundance. No one and nothing comes close to the woman who is now asleep in the bedroom. My marriage has become the guru, the salvation, the muse, the crack through which the divine shines through.”
When I woke up the next morning, (more…)
Dating advice for women: Your third most popular question
Greetings from Berlin, one of the greenest cities I’ve ever visited. My balcony overlooks the tree-filled back yard, and there’s intermittent sunshine coming in through a cloud-dappled sky.
Here’s a letter from one of my readers Susan F. about the article ‘7 Things You Should Always Do On A Date’ (which you can read about here if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Hope you had or are having a great time in London. Grateful for the 7 Shoulds below, but I must say these are “it goes without saying” in my dating life.
In your writing, have you touched on WHEN you are doing the basics below, keeping open, complimentary, attentive, etc. – why a man selects not to pursue a woman?”
I have a few dates or a few months with a man and the end result mostly equals “wow, you’ve really got your stuff together”, “you’re strong”, and “your amazing” with a sense of wonderment that draws them to detaching. Just dated a man who hit all of the highlights of what I like in a man except one – available regularly.
The last man I dated and really liked chose to leave our short-term relationship to date a girl for a few months, whereby he ended up coming back to me and share how it was so bad. That he was ‘violated’ (his words) and fighting constantly with this person.
Yet, he still finds it hard to commit to me – initially, he commented ‘I was initimidated by you’ by just being me and then now commenting how he missed my calmness, that I’m not full of anger like others, I’m an angel, beautiful…so on.
What’s the question? Well, why would a successful man who has dated both good and bad women decide not to pursue a good woman like myself? Scared? If so, scared of what? Full of lies? A bad boy in good guy (sheep’s) clothing?
Well, if you have the time I truly appreciate your insight and response.
Thank you,
Susan F., 35, Los Angeles
Thanks for a great letter, Susan. It reminds me of the three most popular questions I get from women:
1) How do I get him?
2) How do I get him back?
3) What’s he thinking?
This is clearly a #3 question. And the answer to that question is usually “It doesn’t matter what he’s thinking.”
This is the whole point of being fulfillment-centered. Fulfillment is a feeling, not a person.
This is one of the key points of The Tao of Dating for Women, which is available for your delectation right now. In fact, I tackle this whole thing in the first three pages of Chapter 1, which happens to be entitled ‘Dating for Fulfillment.’
So if some guy is not sticking around and is causing you grief because of his contradictory behavior, then clearly he’s not being a catalyst for your fulfillment. Time to let that one go, as promising as the resume may have looked.
All you can do is to is be the best possible version of yourself. As Krishna said to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita, you are entitled to your labors, but not the fruits of your labors.
In the meantime, I’m hoping that the process of working on being goddess-like is its own reward. I’m guessing it feels good to be the embodiment of grace, joy, sensuality, and compassion.
Which brings us to the question: are you really doing the best you can? Are you absolutely embodying the goddess? Or is there perhaps room for improvement?
In particular, these lines from Susan give me pause:
“I have a few dates or a few months with a man and the end result mostly equals “wow, you’ve really got your stuff together”, “you’re strong”, and “you’re amazing” with a sense of wonderment that draws them to detaching.”
Now I wasn’t there, so I don’t really know what transpired or what these guys actually said. But it strikes me that they’re saying stuff about her that aren’t related to how she makes them feel.
Think about it: ever heard a guy swoon about a woman and say something like: “Damn, she’s so tidy, I just want to be with her all the time.”
Or: “She’s so career-minded it makes me hot.”
Or: “Her determination just makes me want to eat her up.”
Umm, no. Not that strength and having your stuff together are bad things. Au contraire, ma chere – they’re very good things.
They’re just not necessarily the kind of thing that men find attractive – things that make them feel good around you.
Did you touch him with that soft feminine touch of yours on the date?
Did you look straight into his eyes with the look of “you’re the greatest man in the world” when he was talking about his hobbies, then squeeze his elbow when he was really excited?
Did you ask about all his interests and passions, then listen with full attention without interrupting him when he rambled on?
Did you rub his arm, hand or back? Did you have an amazing makeout session? Did you rock his world in the sack?
The point is this: There’s always room for improvement.
Now if you’re making him feel like a million bucks and he still walks off for someone who treats him poorly, is that your problem? Nosirreebob it’s not. You’re only responsible for your stupidity, not that of others.
In the meantime, you can still work on being truly irresistible. Then when Mr Right comes along who can appreciate you for the fine-feathered creature that you are, you’re ready.
So, in summary: let your fulfillment be your guide. Suspend judgment indefinitely. And work on yourself in a way that the process is its own reward.
If you’d like more ideas on how to do these things (and a whole lot more), I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy of The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible if you haven’t already. You’ll be glad you did. In fact, I’m so sure of it that I guarantee it.
‘Tao of Dating for Women’ Reading at Book Soup, July 15
On Wednesday 15 July 2009, we finally had the much-anticipated reading at the world-infamous LA independent bookstore Book Soup. It was a full house, and the spirited audience had some fine questions ready for me. They also took care of the case of prosecco in very short order — impressive.
Here’s a video of the first 40min of the reading. This is when I lay out the 5 principles of The Tao of Dating (for both men and women). It starts with a supremely complimentary intro by my friend and colleague Evan Marc Katz, author of an outstanding dating blog and the best dating coach I know for women. Then I get on my soapbox. I even get a few laughs — thank god for wine.
I’ll have the full audio of the event ready soon for download — make sure you’re on my mailing list to get that. In the meantime, check out the video, courtesy of Marc Strassman of etopianews.com:
